


Tūrangawaewae

by FivePips



Series: Aroha [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, M/M, Maori, New Zealand, Past Child Abuse, Past Suicide Attempt, alternative universe, past drug abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-16 23:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9294023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips
Summary: With a past he wants to put behind him, Sirius makes the decision to move to a beach side town in New Zealand to help James with his practice as the man prepares to have twins. Sirius expects it all to be temporary but things get muddled when he falls in love with the land and a certain local bar owner and his son.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sure there would be a ton of technicalities for a doctor to practice in another country but for the sake of the story we’re going to pretend they don’t exist.
> 
> Tūrangawaewae: a place to stand, a place to belong to, a seat or location of identity  
> Tama: Son  
> Manaakitanga: Kindness to guests

_Five Months Ago…_

_“Come. Please, Padfoot, I need another doctor here. I’m going to have three sprogs under three in seven months. I need you to come.” When James Potter asked for a favor, Sirius always had a problem saying no. It had been three years since they saw one another but their brotherly bond was as strong as ever._

_“It would just be a temporary thing. I just need to get my life together, and I don’t trust anyone but you with my practice.” James pleaded on the other end of the line._

_“Okay, fine, I’ll come. What do I have to do to get to New Zealand?”_

_“I’ll take care of everything I can. Whatever I can’t do, I’ll let you know.” James sounded so happy. Sirius was sure he was jumping up and down in his living room like an idiot. “You’re a bloody life saver, mate. I can’t wait for you to get here.”_

_“Yeah, well, I have to give notice to a job I rather like to help you out.”_

_“I know you’ve been dying to get out.”_

_Sirius had been wanting to get away but never had the chance to. When James left, he didn’t tag along because he knew how codependent they were. His mate was starting a life with the one and only Lily Evans. Sirius decided that it was time cut the cord. He stayed back in the UK and attempted to go about being a normal person. Being a normal person meant throwing himself so deep into work, that he could barely tell what day it was at times. Maybe getting away would be good for him. It might bring his life into perspective and lead the way for what he wanted to do in the future._

***

Sirius rolled his head in a few circles and stretched up onto his toes after getting out of his final mode of transportation in the last forty some odd hours. He was absolutely knackered. He hadn’t been more tired in his entire life. He was sure of it.

James had been talking non-stop the half hour ride from the airport in Hokitika. As happy as Sirius was to see him and finally be in New Zealand, he was ready to crawl into his bed. Or any comfortable place where he could be horizontal, and sleep for a few days. After that, he’d be properly excited.

Thankfully it was nearing midnight when they made their way inside so Harry and Lily were sound asleep. He didn’t want to have to stay up and socialize. “I’m so happy you’re here, mate,” James whispered after they dropped Sirius’ things in his guest room.

“Me too.”

“For more reasons other than the fact that you’re ready to sleep?”

“Of course, Prongs.” Sirius hugged him. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you.”

“You should have got out of London a hell of a long time ago.”

Sirius frowned, not wanting to rehash his past. His life growing up was going to be anything but stellar, and it followed him into uni. It wasn’t until he was nearing the end of his medical degree that he started to change how he acted. Before that, he was far too reckless for someone who wanted to spend their life fixing other people. So, he stopped and focused on finishing his schooling and spending time with the Potters. Then James left, and it was just work. All of the time. So much so he couldn’t remember the last time he had a boyfriend or even had a legitimate good time. Every so often he’d have a shag, but it wasn’t anything meaningful.

“Right, we don’t have to talk about that shite. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Prongs.”

“Get some sleep. We have a lot to catch up on. I can’t wait for you actually to meet your godson.” James gave him another tight hug.

***

Sirius spent a few very relaxing days with the Evans-Potters. He was sad that he missed the first almost two years of Harry’s life, but at least he was here to see him now.

Lily looked very uncomfortable as she was now nearing her eighth month of pregnancy. She was excited that Sirius was around now to help out. They wasted away the few days around the house, as neither Sirius or Lily were up to adventuring about. He decided that he would have plenty of time to do that at some point. But for now, he just wanted to let himself veg out. He never did that back home.

It was a brilliant few days that he got to enjoy, but it was time for him to get back to work. Not that he was upset about it. Unlike working at the hospital, he was only going to be there for a few hours then he would go home and be free of responsibilities every day. He had weekends off, and the practice wasn’t exactly busting at the seams with people to see, so there was a lot of downtime. He was now treating runny noses and upset stomachs, not open, gaping wounds and bones that were sticking out of the skin. It was oddly unsettling how simple his first day was.

“Where can one get a pint round here?” Sirius said after seeing his last patient of the day. He was leaning against the door jamb leading into James’ office.

“The Galaxy Pub.”

“That sounds fancy.” Sirius raised an eyebrow. Hokitika was a beautiful place that attracted a lot of tourists but it didn’t strike Sirius as a place for an upper-class sort of pub.

James laughed then rolled his eyes, “No way. It’s a regular old pub. It’s actually called the Tīoreore, but I can’t say it properly.” Sirius thought it sounded just fine, but he couldn’t exactly speak Maori himself, so he assumed James had mutilated the name.

“You’ve been here long enough, you should be able to say some words.” Sirius teased his best mate. They had fallen back into the way that they were back in London. Being mates since they were twelve. They went through boarding school then survied medical school together.

“Fuck off,” James said, typing away on his computer. “The bloke who owns it is a mate of one of Lily’s friends. He’s far from fancy, inherited it from his dad when he passed away. They used to live in the wops but moved closer to town because he’s got a kid and he runs the pub now that his dad is gone. He’s a good bloke. His son's pretty great too.”

“Oh.” Sirius wasn’t sure why James was supplying him with this information. He had a feeling creeping in that James was trying to force a new friendship on him. Instead of arguing about it he decided to ask an obvious question, “What the hell are the wops?”

“Like, the middle of nowhere,” James explained offhandedly. “Didn’t you read up on their barmy slang?”

Sirius shrugged, “No.”

“Well, you should check out the internet there. But I can’t go to the pub. Lily’s due for a scan up hospital so you should go by yourself.”

“Er, I’ll just head home. I can watch Haz.”

“No, go out for a pint. Marlene is watching him. You’re here to change how you live. Slowing down means going to the pub every so often and having a pint after work. They’re super friendly there, nothing to worry about.”

“I don’t know…”

“Trust me. You need it.”

After settling up his paperwork, Sirius found the Tīoreore not far off the high street of Hokitika. It was a simple red building, next to a nail salon. It looked more like a house than a bar. Sirius headed inside to find that the bar was a bit packed with locals, who were fresh out of work. He made his way to the bar, feeling suddenly a bit lonely and out of place.

“Haere mai, how ya going?” The man behind the bar asked with a bit of a smile. He was tall with dark, tanned skin and curly hair. His eyes were a honey brown, and his smile was bright. A tribal tattoo of different bands of designs worked its way up one arm. He was handsome with a slightly large nose and dimples

“Ah, hi, a pint of whatever you think is good.”

“Brit?” The man asked with a raised eyebrow as he produced an empty pint glass from behind the bar. “You’re Doc Potter’s mate, eh?”

“Yeah.”

“Welcome.” He said before he started to pour the pint. “I’m Remus. I’m good mates with Marlene and hang out with Lils sometimes. I go round with the Potters from time to time. They’re good ones. How long are you going to be here?”

“Until they settle in with the sprogs.”

“I only had one, don’t know how they can handle three.” He set the glass in front of Sirius. “Here, on the house, welcome to Hokitika.”

“Cheers,” Sirius said the pint of amber ale. “Do you serve any food here?”

“Yes, I’ll get you something. Any allergies?”

“No.”

Remus smiled before leaving his place at the bar.

“I haven’t seen Remus that chatty in years.” The red headed bloke next to him said.

“Er, okay?” Sirius took another sip from his pint.

“No, it’s nice. I mean, he’s a dag but he can be a bit stroppy somedays. I guess you caught him on a good day.”

Sirius just made a face as a kid, the spit of Remus came shoving his way up to the bar. He was far too young to drink, only about twelve, but he had a look a determination on his face. The kid looked like had just come back from footie practice, more likely rugby, Sirius thought. He was in shorts and an old tee shirt, covered in dirt and there was a fresh bruise blooming on his cheek and a gash there to go along with it. “Where’s Papa?”

“Kitchens.” The redhead pointed out.

Sirius couldn’t help himself and leaned a little closer to the boy to get a better look at the cut. “You need stitches.”

The kid, who was about to walk away stopped himself. His face suddenly split into a grin. “You think?”

“I’d have to get a better look at it, the lighting here’s not great, but yeah.”

“Keen!” He laughed. “Papa’s going to flip. Are you a doctor?”

“Yeah.”

“Right, you’re the new one, aren’t you?” Sirius wondered how small this town was. “Could you stitch it up?”

“We’d have to talk to your dad.”

“Talk to your dad why?” Remus said, appearing behind the bar again. “Ow, tama, what’d you do?”

“You should have seen the tackle, Papa!” The kid grinned. “This bloke said he can stitch it.”

Remus leaned over the bar, taking the boy’s chin between his index and thumb. “Will it scar?”

“It might.”

The boy grinned wildly, lead to Remus give him a little smack on the head. “Yeah, nah. If you could, that’d be good.”

Sirius looked at his beer, “Do you want to come to the office? It’s only down the way. Shouldn’t take long.”

“I can’t leave, bit busy. You can go, though, Teddy. It’s fine.” He said to his son.

“You trust me with your son’s face?”

“Better in your hands than his own, apparently.” Remus scoffed. “I’ll make your meal again when you get back. On me, for fixing my idiot son’s face.”

Sirius smiled, “Okay, that sounds good. Let’s go, Teddy. I’m Sirius, by the way.” He realized he hadn’t properly introduced himself.

“Figured,” Teddy said before slipping into the crowd to leave.

“Go on. He’ll find a way to break into your office if you don’t hurry along.” Remus chuckled but something about his tone said that he was at least half serious.

Sirius took off after Teddy but didn’t catch him until he was at the office, five minutes away on foot. Teddy was peering into the windows with his hand cup against the glass. The lights were out, so it looked like James had gone home to Lily.

“Your dad said you’re a thief.”

“I am not. I’m just very good at getting into places I might not be meant to be. I never take anything.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirteen.”

“Your dad looks young.”

“Papa and Mum had me young,” Teddy said as Sirius unlocked the front door. “Why did you come all the way from London? It was London, right? I thought that was what Doctor Potter said.”

“Yeah, London. I’m just here to help him. He’s my best mate.” Sirius explained as he disarmed the security alarm.

“That’s a long way to go. Do you like it here?”

“Can’t say either way. It is nice, though.” Sirius gave a little shrug before heading towards his office. “Come on. It won’t take long to fix that.”

“You should go exploring. It’s the best way to know te Whenua.”

“What’s that mean?”

“The land,” Teddy said as they entered Sirius’ office. Teddy hopped up onto the table. “You can’t judge if you want to stay or not until you get to know it, right?”

“I haven’t even been here a full week.”

“What are you doing this weekend? Papa and I are going surfing in our favorite spot. You should come.”

“I don’t know how to surf.” Sirius laughed as he got his tools together.

“We’ll teach you.”

“That’s nice of you but I don’t want to ruin your time with your Papa.”

“I see him all the time, eh?” Teddy watched Sirius closely. “You’re new, and we're supposed to have manaakitanga.”

Sirius decided to quit asking about words he didn’t understand and went to work. He had to remind Teddy to stop talking because he didn’t want to bung the stitches up. He was partly sure Teddy did want that to happen so he’d have a scar.

“All right, you’re all set,” Sirius said after trimming the excess. “You should heal right up, just fine.”

Teddy rolled his eyes. “Papa will be happy.”

“You should be too. Ruin your future career in modeling.”

Teddy hopped off the table. “Come on. Papa probably made you something good. He’s a pretty brilliant at cooking. I tell him he should just cook, but he doesn’t want to stop running the pub. It was Grandpa’s and all.”

“I don’t see why he can’t do both,” Sirius said while he cleaned up.

“He spends too much time on the bar,” Teddy explained. “You’re going to die for anything he makes you, though. Did he say what he made?”

“No.”

“I bet it’s pork and puha. I thought I smelt it when I got in. It’s one of my favorites. You’ll like it too.” Teddy watched Sirius carefully as he finished up. “So, we’re going to head out at like 8 in the morning Saturday. You need to bring your togs— er swimming costume.” He amended. “Sunblock too, you’re pretty pasty.”

Sirius threw the kid a look.

“It’s okay. We’ll get you tanned in no time.” The kid said as Sirius started to leave. “Are there beaches in England?”

“We’re an island.”

“Yeah but like, do you have proper beaches?”

“Yes, we have proper beaches.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s get you back and show your dad my handy work.”

Less than ten minutes later they were back at the pub. Remus wasn’t behind the bar, so Teddy went right through into the kitchen. Sirius had stopped at the bar, but Teddy grabbed his elbow and pulled him into the back. “Papa! I’m healed!”

Remus was looking over some notebook but dropped it when his son shouted. “Thank you, Sirius. I didn’t mean to bother you on your time off. My son—”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll make you that plate now if you’d like.”

“Is it pork and puha?” Teddy guessed.

“Yes, it is.”

“Told you, Sirius.”

“Do you not have any manners?” Remus shook his head. “Sorry about him.”

“He’s fine.”

“Sirius is coming with us Saturday.”

“He invited me, and I am not coming with you. He just assumed.” Sirius said quickly.

“Sorry.”

“He needs to see round here. He’s a visitor.”

“You don’t go imposing plans on people. It’s not on.” Remus sighed. “Why don’t you go find a place to sit? Teddy, you need to go to some homework.” He pointed above them.

“Can I do it in the pub? I’ll sit with Sirius.”

“No, you’ll never focus. Go, I’m sure you’ll see Sirius around.”

“Yeah, Saturday.” Teddy gave the thumbs up before heading towards another door.

“Thank you for dealing with him. He’s not always easy.” Remus said. “If you want to go take a seat, I’ll get you that meal.”

“Sure, ah, would you mind making it a take away for me?”

“No worries.”

***

When Sirius got home, Marlene was there watching telly while Harry was playing with some blocks. “Oh, hi there, Sirius.” She smiled. They had met back in London when she came to see Lily once. Lily had grown up in Hokitika and moved to the UK with her family when she was 15. After the Potters had passed away, they decided to move to New Zealand to start a new life.

“Hi, Marlene.” He took a seat next to her. “How have you been?”

“Fabulous, you? Oh, you went to Remus’ place?” She said pointing to the bag.

“Yeah, he mentioned you.”

“He better. Ah, he made you dinner.”

“I stitched up his son.”

“Ugh, that boy is always getting himself into trouble. Nothing horrible but he’s just too much.” She laughed.

“I like him.”

“Ted or Remus?”

“Both are all right.”

Marlene smiled, “They are. They’re both good and need a little good in their lives.”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “Well, Remus grew up with his mum in the wops, and he had met his girlfriend there, Nym. They had Ted when they were only sixteen. It was a mistake, but they made the most of it. The next year Nym died in an accident on the way home from town. Then Remus’ mum dies in a fire of their home.

“So he goes to live in town with his dad. They weren’t ever really close because his mum’s family sort of shunned him. They were Maori and wanted to preserve the culture and Mr Lupin let them without complaint. He tried to keep in touch and it wasn’t until everything fell apart that he and Remus got really close. Then he had a heart attack after they finally got into it about two years later.”

“No one wonder someone said that Remus can be stroppy.” Sirius frowned.

“Remus does a good job with Teddy, all things considered,” Marlene said. “Don’t go telling the whole world what I told you. I mean, we all know — the town that is, but don’t go talking about it.”

Sirius nodded. He had his own past he didn’t want to talk about, he certainly wasn’t go talking about Remus’.

“He’s handsome too, isn’t he?”

Sirius furrowed his brow. “I guess.”

Marlene just made a noise then Harry decided he needed some attention.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius put his hand on Lily’s stomach and smiled as he felt the little ones kicking away. He always marveled at the woman’s body and how it could accommodate childbirth. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I have two little humans tap dancing on my insides.” Lily sighed loudly. She was sitting in a chair at the table in the kitchen with her feet up on another.

They had all just finished eating breakfast on Saturday morning. Sirius was glad not to be alone on an off day for him. Usually, he’d be working or just sleeping in. But he was free to do as he pleased. “What are you up to, today? Your first full weekend here. There’s a lot of places to see.” Lily asked, running her hand over her stomach.

“I don’t know, what are you two doing?” Sirius asked as James started to clean up the table.

“More shopping for babies, getting the final things. Finishing up the nursery. Boring things.”

“I’m not due for a little over a month but, they could come anytime. I feel like I’m about to burst.”

“I can come with?” Sirius offered.

“No,” James said firmly. “You have to do something for you. Make some new mates. Don't lock yourself away in the room.”

Sirius leaned back in his chair. “Like, who?”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. “I’ve got it.” James set the plates down in the sink.

“He doesn’t want you to be dependent on him. He knows that’s why you put some distance between you and him when we left.” Lily said softly. “He’s just worried about you.”

“I'm all right,” Sirius said. “This isn’t some self-discovery trip. I’m here to help James, and that’s it.” That wasn't completely true, he wanted to figure himself out a bit. But he didn't need to do some walkabout to do that.

“Sirius, you have visitors,” James called as the noise of two extra pair of feet followed him.

He scrunched his nose as Remus, Teddy, and James appeared in the doorway. “I’m so sorry. He wouldn’t stop annoying me. Sometimes you just have to give into him.” Remus sighed.

“I said I wouldn’t go if we didn’t at least stop by and ask you to come.” Teddy grinned as James and Lily looked on with interest. “We’re going out past Greymouth. It’s about a thirty-minute drive. Surf round here’s not great but,” Teddy shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe one day—”

“Slow down, tama. He doesn’t even want to go now, don't go asking him to come other places.” Remus put a hand on his forehead. “Again, I’m sorry.”

“Sirius will go,” James said.

“I will?” Sirius made a face.

“We’re gone all day, go. At least hang out on the beach, it will do you good. The sun, that is. You’re very pale.” Lily pointed out.

“Why are you all worried about my skin?” Sirius gawked at Lily who was laughing now. “I’ll go.” He decided quickly. He was interested in seeing more than just the main part of Hokitika, and there wasn’t really anything on for him to do. Sirius clearly wasn’t going to get to hang out with Lily and James because they were practically forcing him to make new mates. “I just need to get changed and grab a book or something. If you don't mind waiting, that is.”

"We'll wait. I don't think I could get him to move his feet if we didn't."

“You have to learn to surf. It’s fun. You don't need a book then.” Teddy said.

“You’re already making him feel bad about going, don’t pour on more guilt.” Remus gave his son a knowing look.

“Don’t feel bad, it’s all right,” Sirius assured him, standing up. “I’ll get my things, and we’ll be off.”

Teddy let out a loud ‘whoop'.

***

Sirius looked at the beautiful blue ocean, which was such a contrast with the grey sand he was sitting on. Teddy and Remus were running out to surf, looking absolutely happy. They were in their own little world, and Sirius felt like he was trespassing in it. He wondered how they could smile like that after what they had gone through in the past. Sirius was sure he was never that open and free, no matter how hard he tried. Maybe that was a part of his problem. Maybe growing up in such a suffocating household, he wasn’t able to truly open up — unless if he was completely out of his mind.

The way Sirius grew up was something that seems like such an old story, that’s been repeated in different ways forever. He felt like he should never feel sorry for himself and the abuse and pain that he had gone through. Sirius endured the beatings and the mental abuse. Then he went and turned to drugs. Things were bad, Sirius tended to make things worse. It was a lot. So now he was disciplined. He was never sure how he could be so wild and free.

“You’re looking a little pink,” Remus said, startling Sirius from his book, clenched in his hands. Sirius’ mouth went dry as he watched droplets of water make their way down Remus’ well-defined chest.

“Oh, I should reapply.” Sirius set his book aside then reached for the bag hey had brought down with them from the car.

“Want to give it a go?” Remus gestured to the board he was carrying under his arm. “The surf’s not too rough here. It’s perfect for a beginner.”

“I’ll probably accidently drown myself.”

“You don’t have much confidence, eh?” Remus stood his board up in the sand before taking a seat next to Sirius. “It’s fun, doing new things. Teddy used to be horrified of everything when he was younger. Probably some type of manifestation of childhood trauma. I started to get him to try new things. Now he’s fearless. Which, I guess isn’t great because the boy always ends up getting himself into trouble now.” He huffed.

“You seem like a good dad.”

“I try.” Remus smiled, watching Teddy catch a wave. “You complimenting me, isn’t going to get you out of me thinking that you should be going out on those waves.”

“I’ll watch you two. I’m fine here.”

“Okay, you just seemed— pensive.” Remus put his hand in the sand, burying his fingers in.

“It is beautiful here,” Sirius said after a moment of silence. "The ocean, I mean."

“The sea is my second favorite thing.”

“What’s your first?”

“The night sky.”

“I love the stars,” Sirius said.

“Figures the both of us would like the sky with our names and all. Have you looked at them out here? Like, properly, way out of town?”

“No.”

“Mmm, I’ll take you out one night.” Remus nodded.

“You lot also have those glowing pools or whatever.”

“It’s worms.”

Sirius grimaced, “That sounds gross.”

“It’s fairly brilliant. You need to take a squizz at it.”

“What?”

“Look, go see it,” Remus explained the slang. “It may sound disgusting, but you’ll like it. Try not to think of it as worms.”

“I’ll try.”

“I’m going back out there. You should come. If you want, I mean. At least dip your toes in, it’s good for the soul, you know?”

Sirius smiled, finally picking up his book. “I’m going to get some reading done.”

“Suit yourself.” Remus pushed himself back up. “Don’t forget that sunblock.” He winked before going back towards the surf.

After spending an hour or so reading his book, Remus and Teddy joined Sirius for the lunch they had packed. Teddy told a few stories about the trouble he seemed to get himself into. When they were done, they left their things and did a little exploring around the beach. Sirius dipped his toes in. Eventually, the Lupins went back to surfing and Sirius watched them from the shore for a bit before returning to his book. Even if he wasn’t doing what everyone thought he should be doing for fun, he still enjoying being able to relax.

***

“He thinks he’s tough and grown, but he stills fall asleep after a day on the water. When he was a child, he used to fall asleep on the beach, and I’d have to carry him back to the car. Thank god that he can finally at least make it to the car before passing out.” Remus said, looking in the rearview mirror of his Rover at his sleeping son. Sirius glanced behind him to see Teddy draped across the seat, his mouth was open, and his arm was covering his eyes. “I am sorry about today, mate.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Sirius watched Remus. He was sitting casually with just one arm up, steering. It was the arm that was covered in a tattoo. He knew that there had to be meaning to it because Remus didn’t seem to take things lightly. Especially permanent body art. “What’s your tattoo mean?”

“It’s bands of pakati, hikuaua, unaunahi, and ahu ahu mataroa. They each mean different things.” He said with almost a sad look on his face.

“Like what?” Sirius asked curiously because he couldn’t help himself.

“The pakati,” He pointed to a band of sort of open triangle scales. “This means strength. The hikuaua is for prosperity.” He pointed to the fish scale like pattern, “The unaunahi is for health and abundance. Then this is the ahu ahu for representing new challenges.” He rubbed the last band, which was on his wrist.

Sirius nodded, “They’re interesting. I like them.” He wondered when he got them, maybe after he had lost nearly everyone in his life in such a short period. It would be some reason to get any of those things represented on Remus’ skin. But he skipped over it, as Marlene asked him not to go around talking about it.

“Do you have any?”

“No.” Sirius shook his head.

“Mmm, your skin—”

“Bugger off.” Sirius laughed and looked in the side view mirror. His skin was a little pink on his face, but at least he wasn’t burnt.

“You’ll be tanned like a local soon enough.”

“I doubt it.” Sirius turned to look at Remus again.

“I’m sure Teddy will invite you on all our adventures in the sun. He took to you quickly for some reason. We do something like this every weekend unless something comes up.”

“So, who runs the pub when you’re not there?” He asked curiously.

“Marls.”

“She’s Haz’s babysitter too.”

“Marlene is a jack of all trades. I don’t think there’s a thing she hasn’t done in town. She paints, covers shifts at different restaurants, helps run the tourist information center. One time, she even did the trash collecting. I have a sneaking suspicion it has to do with the fact she’s a gossip, why she does all these jobs. It gets her close to everyone.” He snorted. “I love her, but she’s too much.”

“Mmm, I’m sure.” Sirius paused. “What’d she tell you about me?”

Remus looked at him then carefully picked his words. “That when she met you back in London that you were a bit of a party monster. She says that you and James were super close, but you never visited him because you were too close. Codependent, I think is the word she used.”

“Bloody hell.”

“Mate, I’d say get mad at her, but sooner or later the whole town would know anyway because that’s just how it is round here. What’d she tell you about me?” Remus’ eyebrow went up.

“Um, that you’ve lost nearly everything and you had Teddy young. But Teddy told me that last part too.”

The man shrugged. “That’s bout right. Anything else?”

“No, why?” Sirius questioned.

“Just wondering where she draws the line with my personal life to new people.” Remus bit his lip. “Are you still into partying?”

“The most I do is have a pint or two nowadays.”

“That’s good. But if you don’t mind me saying, you’re a bit uptight.”

“Well, I’m British.”

“I’ve met plenty of Brits, and I can say your uptight is a bit different.”

“Oh, thanks.” Sirius snickered then looked back out his window at the scenery. He was constantly amazed at how green everything seemed to be and how isolated it all was. Back in London, everything was congested and concrete. All he ever saw was buildings; parks were the only greenery he could see. He grew up on an estate when he was young, and there was a lot green. Sirius was happy in London because it didn’t remind him of where he spent the formative years of his life. He was glad that New Zealand’s theme was different.

“You’re not going to ask me questions?”

“No, I’ll let it be. We barely know one another.”

“Maybe if you hang around long enough, you’ll find out all about me deep dark secrets.”

“You don’t know all mine either.” Sirius bit his lip and shook his head.

“Being broken’s not always so bad.”

“What a line.” Sirius couldn’t help but laugh.

“But it’s really not. We have all this insight on life and how you have to roll with what it throws at you. I mean, we’ve survived this far.”

Sirius nodded, “Yeah, I guess.”

***

When Sirius stepped into the Potter’s house, he found James and Lily collapsed on the sofa. “How was your day?”

“Awesome.” Sirius hoped on to the armchair. “It was beautiful.”

“How’d you get on with Remus?”

Sirius smiled, “Great.”

Lily grinned at James, “Told you.”

“Told him what?”

“You both would get on and maybe—”

“She thinks that you two—“

“We both think.” Lily corrected.

“Right, we both think that you two would be good for each other.”

Sirius furrowed his brow then fixed his best mate with a glare. “You didn’t fly me all the way out here to set me up did you?” It was honestly something that James would do, and Sirius couldn’t rule it out.

“No, we really do need the help. But this is an added bonus.”

“We’re not dating. We’re barely mates.” Sirius shook his head.

“But there’s hope.”

“I’m not here to fall in love or make friends. I’m here to help you and take a bit of a mental vacation.” Sirius shook his head. “I’m going to go to my room. You can sit here and make grand plans for my wedding to Remus Lupin that will never happen."


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius spun around in his office chair behind his desk. He hadn’t visited Remus’ pub all week, in fear that the gossip of the Potters trying to set them up had somehow managed to spread around the rest of Hokitika. It wouldn’t surprise Sirius one bit if it had. He had only been in town for two weeks, and he could tell things got around fast. If Remus had found out the information, then Sirius didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness — not that Sirius had any part in it at all. But he still didn’t want to seem like some desperate arse who came halfway round the world to get a date.

“Sirius, oi, why haven’t you come round all week?” Teddy came barreling into his office with a big grin plastered on his face.

“How did you get past Dorcas? She’s a rather strong secretary.”

“My charm.” Teddy grinned and sat down in the chair opposite the desk. “No, Dorcas is an old babysitter.”

“So, she just let you in to see me?”

“She said you’re done for the day,” Teddy informed him. “She was packing up to head home.”

“So, she let a thief who likes to break and enter in?” Sirius teased the teenager.

“I’m not a thief!” He threw his hands up. “Where have you been? Papa’s worried that I put you off. He told me to stay away.”

“And you listened to him, very well.”

“Did we put you off?”

“Absolutely not.” Sirius shook his head, “I enjoyed going to the beach with you last week.”

“So, what are you up to tomorrow?”

“I was going,” Sirius wasn’t sure what to say because he didn’t want to be pulled into their time. “I was going to see that glow worm thing finally.”

“Mmm, that’s at night, why don’t you come with us? We’re going to take you to the Gorge because you HAVE TO see it.”

“You planned it for me?” He was surprised because he felt like a bit like a wet sock on their last outing. Remus and Teddy were running wild and free, and he was sitting there all buttoned up.

“Yeah, and it’s one of the best spots. I mean, too many tourists sometimes, but it is one of the things you have to see. You can’t be here and not go to it. Maybe we can go up to the lake too. Papa and I have done pretty much everything around here, so we obviously repeat things. It’s not like you’re making us do it.”

“No, but you’re making me?” Sirius asked with a lightness in his voice because he didn’t hate that Teddy wanted him to join.

Teddy groaned and slumped in his chair a bit. “Look, you’re sort of depressed, right?”

“What?”

“I know depressed people when I see them, cuz.”

Sirius just furrowed his brow in confusion because he had no idea that he looked depressed. He thought he looked pretty well. His depression was well controlled with his medication. It wasn’t like he struggled to get out of bed every day anymore. He was just… fine. “Right.”

“Yeah, nah, Papa gets depressed.”

“I’m sure he’d like you to talk about that with me.”

“Maybe you two have something in common, eh? Plus, he doesn’t care if I talk about it. It’s supposed to help, talking.”

“Talking to one another or a trained professional, not some bloke you met a week ago,” Sirius pointed out.

“Whatever.” Teddy shrugged. “So, are you going to come or what?”

Sirius shifted in his chair and took a deep breath. He did have a good time, and he did want to see more of New Zealand. What better way to do it than with two people who seemed to know the area well. “I’ll think about it.”

Teddy grinned a bit manically. “If you want to come, meet us at the pub at 10. Papa will make you breakfast if you come earlier.”

“Why — why do you want me to come?” Sirius asked.

“I think Papa needs more friends and I like you. You seem like you need friends. So, yeah, perfect match.” Teddy shrugged. “Plus, you’re cool.”

“I am?” Sirius couldn’t help the smile that grew on his lips.

“For a geezer, yeah.”

“Oi!”

“Come on, let’s go get Papa to make us something to eat.”

With his stomach rumbling, Sirius had a hard time saying no to good food. “Fine. But this does not mean that I’m going tomorrow.”

***

Lily groaned as she tried to find a comfortable position on the sofa. She was complaining endlessly about how she couldn’t wait to have the kids and how James Potter was the worst man on the face of the planet. Sirius liked to egg her on there.

But that was not what they were talking about now, “You should go out with them tomorrow.”

“Because you think I’m perfect for him?”

She rolled her eyes, “Look, you know that I think you two might make a decent pair, but I think you’d make fantastic friends too. Teddy seems to have taken a liken to you too. If they want you to join them, then they must enjoy your company. Why not, try to make friends? Do you have any mates back in London?”

“Er, Pete?”

“You barely spoke to him when he went to a different uni then you and James.”

“I could have a perfectly fine relationship with him now.” He didn’t.

“I’m very doubtful that you do. Friends are great, Sirius. I swear that if Remus had gone to Hogwarts, he would have been a part of the Marauders.”

“So, why isn’t he and James best mates?”

“Because James has a baby and we’re about to have another two, and he runs the practice. He doesn’t have the time and energy to make new friends. You only are working to fill in for James, and you have no children to speak of. You and Remus get on. Teddy loves you. You had a blast last weekend, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then have some fun again this weekend and maybe the next and the next and so on and so forth. If you don’t want friends, at least think of them as your little tour guides for however long you are going to be around here for.”

Lily had a point. A new friend was something he hadn’t had in ages. He never really got the concept of making friends. All his mates were made when he was younger. Or he had the superficial party friends back in London. Remus did seem like someone who could be a friend. They got on well and easily. It wasn’t forced even if their situation was a bit forced either through James and Lily or Teddy.

***

Sirius showed up just a minute before 10. Teddy was attempting to look cool as he leaned against the old, beat up Rover. Remus was shoving something into the boot. As Sirius got closer, Teddy realized that he had decided to come. “You’re here! Papa, Sirius came. I told you he would come.”

Remus snickered as he straightened up and looked over his shoulder. “I see that my son has managed to talk you into coming with us again. I hope this isn’t some type of hostage situation. How ya going, cuz?”

“Rather well.” Sirius put his hands in his pockets as he came to a stop in front of the taller man. “Don’t worry. This isn’t a hostage situation. I’m here on my own, and your son only had a little to do with it.” He laughed.

“Whatever reason you’re here, I’m happy you’re coming. The Gorge is one of my favorite places around here. The colors are great.”

“Papa also likes photography.”

“Really?” Sirius perked up.

“I’m just an amateur, but it’s a hobby.”

“You should see his pictures,” Teddy said before he swung the back door open. “But you can see them later, come one!”

“We have to listen to the king.” Remus shook his head.

Five minutes later they were making their way to the Hokitika Gorge. Teddy was talking about his studies for the term coming to an end in less than a month and how he was going to spend two weeks out in the wops with his grandparents. Sirius listened to the teen, adding in comments here and there. He enjoyed Teddy’s nearly endless chatter, and by looking at the soft smile on Remus’ face, his father did too.

“Marlene said you didn’t come round to see us all week because you were worried that Papa would find out that you thought he was handsome.”

Sirius whipped around to look at Teddy. He could feel his cheeks were now red from being embarrased. “What?”

“It’s okay. Papa thinks your good looking too.”

“Tama,” Remus said warningly. “I told you, Sirius, you need to be careful with what you tell Marlene — and my son apparently.” He shook his head.

“Well, you are good looking — handsome,” Sirius said quickly.

“You have the model good looks, while I have the rugged from the bush looks. It’s a fair observation. Marlene just likes to gab.”

“Are two flirting because it sounds like flirting?” Teddy asked.

“What do you know about flirting?” Sirius looked back to Teddy again.

“None because he can’t get a date with the girl he fancies.” Remus laughed as his son went a deep red. “Now that shows you when not to open your mouth.”

Sirius laughed, glad that he finding Remus attractive wasn’t a big thing. Hopefully, they didn’t know about James and Lily thinking that they should date. As amusing as the Lupins would probably find it, Sirius wasn’t interested in sharing. If he wanted to forge a proper friendship, that was something that should be left out.

***

“This is incredible,” Sirius whispered as if he didn’t want to disturb the nature. It wasn’t as if there weren’t other tourists around taking in the milky blue-green water between the granite walls. He was sure that he had never seen anything so beautiful before. Looking at the wonder of what surrounded him filled him with ease. It made him feel like he could take a deep breath out there. Come to think of it, he felt completely at ease since he stepped foot in New Zealand.

Sirius started towards the bridge, where Teddy was already heading off to, so he could explore more. Remus trailed behind them, Sirius could hear the man snap pictures from time to time. “This water is unreal,” Sirius said as he hung back to cross the bridge with Remus because he wanted to chat with him. “How is it this blue?”

“Rock flour,” Remus said as they walked leisurely over the bridge.

“That honestly sounds fake.” Sirius raised an eyebrow at the other man.

“I’m not taking the piss. It’s a mix of sandstone and mineral-rich rock that settles on the bottom of the river.” Remus said, putting the strap of his camera over his shoulder.

“I thought it was just something you said to tourists.”

“No.” Remus laughed. “I try to be nice to tourists, anyway, they bring a lot of money to our town. I like telling people the interesting things I know about what we’re surrounded by. I always feel like a stereotype when I talk about nature.”

“Are you kidding, if I lived here, I’d always be talking about the nature. I mean, I think that I want to talk about it all the time now.”

“Good,” Remus said, looking up ahead at where Teddy was scaling a granite cliff. “Ow, that boy is going to be the death of me.”

“He’s brilliant.”

“He doesn’t drive you barmy?”

“Only a bit, but in a good way.” Sirius laughed, taking a look over the side of the suspension bridge.

“He wants you to come to his last rugby game before term break. You can gladly say no, but I thought I would warn you. I could have sworn he was ramping up to it in the car earlier.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll go. When is it?”

“Next Friday, I’ll get you the right time and where.”

“Thanks for letting me tag along with you two.”

“You’re pleasant company. I don’t mind keeping you around.” Remus gave him a little bump.

“I’m going to go look at those worms tonight.”

“Ted mentioned, he wanted to go too, but he’s something on with his best mate. Some endless video game thing, I don’t know.”

“Oh, he would have been a good time. Maybe I’ll reschedule.”

“No, go without him, it’s fine.” Remus snickered. “I’ll keep you company if that’s what you wanted.”

“Do you know much about glow worms?”

“I know enough.”

“Good, we’ll go then.” Sirius chuckled as they finally reached the rock Teddy was climbing. The teen jumped right down.

“Took you two long enough. Old people flirting, ugh.” He said dramatically, throwing his arms out wide.

“We were not flirting, and we were not old.” Remus put his arm around his son. “Come on, let’s show Sirius some of our best spots. You’re not afraid of cliffs are you, mate?”

“Um, I don’t know.”

“Let’s find out.” Remus beamed at him, grabbing his wrist and showing him the way. Sirius felt an odd fluttering in his stomach, probably because he was terrified to go to the edge of a cliff. It absolutely had nothing to do with Remus Lupin.

***

“Alone, you’re going this alone with Remus?” Lily had a bit of a devious look on her face.

“As friends, Lils.” Sirius knew that it sounded like a date, but he knew that it wasn’t. Not that he convince Lily otherwise. He also didn’t want it to be a date. He didn’t want to ruin a possible friendship. Je wasn’t interested in a relationship, anyway. Sirius was only in New Zealand temporarily. He was here to help James and Lily and also center himself before he figured out his path in life. Finding his path did not include finding a partner now.

“Yeah, all friends take romantic strolls in the dark.”

“It’s not a romantic stroll,” Sirius said, pulling on his jacket. “It’s a nature walk. Remus is going to tell me all about these weird glow worm things.”

“Sure, you’re totally only interested in the science. Not the good looking man and the dark and the possible places to snog each other’s face off.”

“Lily, drop it.” Sirius snapped as James came into the room.

“What’s wrong? Why are you stroppy?”

“Your wife can tell you. I’m off to meet my new mate.” Sirius gave a quick wave before taking off. He couldn’t stick around for any more of it. The days the babies came was going to be the best day because they Potters would be distracted by the newborns too much to be nosing around in his business. Sirius knew they meant well, but he needed to figure out his life on his own.

***

Sirius picked Remus up at the pub. Then they went to the dell. “I thought this was a beach.”

“No,” Remus shook his head as Sirius parked the car. “It’s a dell.”

“What the bloody hell is a glow worm dell?”

“It’s like a cave. They’re on the walls.”

“This sounds even more disgusting than I thought.” Sirius scrunched his nose.

“Come on, grab your torch, it’s a little walk to it. It’s not the best glow worm cave, but it’s — you’ll love it.” Remus had said before he hopped out of the car.

Sirius followed Remus down the dirt path in silence. He was surprised that there weren’t other tourists around, but it was nearing 11 pm. Remus explained that most people take pictures at the beach at sunset then walk over a little earlier in the day. “I like coming when not many people are around. It’s nicer.” Remus said as they came to the cave. “If you hate it then we can leave. Just try not to think about worms. Turn off your torch.”

“Okay.” Sirius laughed as the entered the cave but immediately silenced when he looked up at the glowing ceiling. It was a greenish-blue as if the night sky had descended, so it was right on top of them. “Is everything around here a bloody marvel?” He continued to gaze upward but walked further into the cave, bumping into Remus, who caught him before he lost his balance.

“I don’t know. It’s pretty amazing. I can’t compare it to the rest of the world, though, I only know my own backyard.” Remus squeezed his shoulders before backing away from him. There was that feeling in his stomach again.

“You should see the rest of the world if you ever have the time.”

“Money is the word you’re looking for.” Remus snickered before they went back to being silent.

They stayed in the dell for about fifteen minutes before heading back to Remus’ car. “Fancy a pint?” He asked in his best British accent, which wasn’t very good but it wasn't the worst he had ever heard.

“Sure, yours?”

“No, I don’t want to go to work. There’s a place, the Nag’s Head. It’s right up the road going back towards town.” Remus said.

“So, you really never left your backyard?”

“The furthest I’ve been is to the top of the North Island… or maybe the bottom of this island? I’m not sure the exact distance.” Remus tilted his head in thought.

“Well, it’s a beautiful place to explore,” Sirius said.

“Have you ever been places outside of London and here? I’m going to say yes because of your ridiculously posh accent.”

Sirius snorted, “A few places.”

“Did you used to holiday in the Alps or something?”

“Once and I hated it because I was stuck with my parents and my father’s associates.” Sirius cringed thinking back to the two weeks he had spent snowed in with the most boring and horrible humans he had ever met.

“Posh bastard,” Remus said with a laugh.

“You don’t know anything about me, Remus.” Sirius snapped a little. “I’m actually not up for a pint tonight. I’ll just drop you back home.”

“I’m sorry—”

“It’s fine,” Sirius said quickly. “I mean, not really but I’ll live. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You're right, I don’t know anything about you, but I’d like to. I’m around if you ever want to tell me about what you don’t want to talk about.” Remus smiled. “I know your life hasn’t been great. Mine hasn’t been great either. There’s a lot of days I haven’t got out of bed because my life hasn’t been great so nothing you can tell me, can phase me.” He assured Sirius.

“Nothing?” Sirius gave him a challenging look.

“I tried to kill myself,” Remus said in a flat, even tone. “Beat that.”

“I overdosed three times.” Sirius pulled over to the side of the road because he was sure that this wasn’t a conversation for driving. “Is that how people do this? Just jump right into their shite?”

“I usually don’t.” Remus laughed as Sirius turned a little in his seat to look at him. “When you overdosed, were you trying to kill yourself?”

“I don’t think I was trying but, at that time, I can tell you I wasn’t exactly happy to wake up in the hospital each time.”

Remus nodded, “I was exactly happy to wake up either. Which, I should have been because I had Teddy but—”

“You lost everything else?” Sirius frowned.

“Yeah.” Remus ran a hand through his hair. “But I got help, and I’m better. I mean, I’m not fantastic, and I need medication and therapy but, you know, I’m mostly happy. Are you mostly happy?”

Sirius looked out past Remus, into the dark out the window. “I don’t know.” Sirius tried to remember the last time he had sustained happiness. There were small things, like going to the caves or the gorge but nothing permanent and there. Life had been a bit sunnier since coming to New Zealand, but it wasn’t everything that he wanted. Not that he knew what he wanted.

“That’s okay. It takes awhile.” Remus shrugged.

“It’s been years since I stopped doing drugs and shite to my body.”

“Just because you stopped treating your body like shite, means your doing it any good.”

Sirius sighed and leaned his head back against the window. “I’d just like to be happy. Fully happy. Life’s just dull, you know?”

“I know what you mean. Exactly, what you mean. You can try to make your own happiness, instead of throwing yourself into work or into your friends’ lives. Maybe you can try to find your own happiness. Outside of work, that is.”

“I’m happy on these little adventures.”

“Mmm, try to find something that lasts then,” Remus suggested. “Maybe you could travel the world.”

“Maybe.” Sirius smiled, feeling a bit better. “Okay, I’ll get a pint now.”

“How about some sweets?”

“Is it the drug abuse? I never had a problem with alcohol and I only have a pint or two at a time never—”

“No,” Remus laughed. “I just really want a piece of something sweet.”

“Okay, I can do that."


	4. Chapter 4

“Did she have the little ankle biters?” Remus asked, carrying a bouquet of lilies and two teddy bears in his arms.

It had been two weeks since the cave adventures and two more adventures on top of that, as well as a rugby match. Sirius also frequented Remus’ pub for lunch and sometimes dinner and a pint after work. Spending time with Teddy and Remus was nice. It was different then spending time with James and Lily, not that he hated spending time with them, but it was almost refreshing. They were laid back and spent a lot of time laughing whenever possible.

Sirius laughed as the other man sat down next to him. “Yep, she’s resting though. James is too, out cold in the chair in there. He’s snoring, I’m surprised we can’t hear him out here. I guess your wife pushing out two kids can be tiring.” Sirius scoffed. “I just got here but I didn’t want to disturb them so I’m waiting.”

“Ah, I’ve picked a great time to come. I dropped Teddy off to his Grandmother yesterday, so I have nothing on today.” Remus frowned. “I’m going to miss him. It’s not like he’s far away or anything but things are never as bright when he’s not around.”

“I’m sorry.” Sirius frowned.

“When things were bad with me, he was at Andi and Ted’s for over two years.” Remus said quietly. This was how they opened up to each other, in small little sentences. They revealed things slowly and Sirius never felt so comfortable about talking over his past. “So, when he’s not here, it sort of reminds me of then. But it’s not.”

“Well, I can occupy some of your time. I know I’m a poor replacement but, I’m all I have to offer.” Sirius smiled at his new friend. “The first distraction I can offer you is taking you to the nursery to look through the window at Ruthie and Cecilia.”

“Cute names.”

“I know, they’re adorable to match their names. Come on.” Sirius stood up and Remus followed him.

“I hate hospitals but they’re worth it. Babies are pretty fantastic.” Remus said as Sirius took the lilies out of his hand. “Thanks.”

“You had your hands full.” He flashed a grin at Remus. “Was Teddy a cute baby?”

“All babies are cute.”

“No, that’s a lie. I’ve seen some ugly things.” Sirius spoke in a harsh whisper as the came to the glass window of the nursery.

“I don’t know about that.”

“You just haven’t seen enough of them.” Sirius said. “But Ruthie and Cecilia are pretty damn cute.” Sirius pointed to the two newborns, who were swaddled up next to one another.

“Oh, they really are.” Remus smiled, tilting his head to the side a bit. “James and Lily are very lucky. Are they healthy?”

“Yes, all ten fingers and toes and everything else is as healthy as it can be.”

“Good. Lily too?”

“Lily too.” Sirius sighed as he looked at the pink little infants. He also wondered why he didn’t get into pediatrics at times like these. “God, I just want to squish their little cheeks.”

“I’m not an expert — or a doctor like someone here — but I’m pretty sure that could hurt them.”

“Just look at them.”

“I am.” Remus laughed. “You do realize that they’re not always going to be this cute, right? They’re going to be taken home, to where you live, and they’ll be crying. So much. Then there’s Harry, I’m sure he’ll be affected.”

“But look at them.”

Remus chuckled, “If you ever need to escape you know where to find me. I’m a light sleeper. Plus, Teddy’s not around for two weeks.”

“It’s good to hear but I’m sure that I’ll be fine.”

“You say that now.” Remus shook his head. “Unless they’re literal angels, I don’t think you’ll be getting as much rest, cuz. I’m sure you need your beauty sleep.”

“Bugger off.” Sirius shot him a look. “Come on, let’s go see if James is at least awake and we should probably get some water for these lilies.”

“All right, but don’t forget about my offer.” Remus reminded him one more time but Sirius doubted that he would ever have to cash it in.

***

Of course, Sirius was very wrong. It was only the fourth night home with the twins but Sirius was already about to lose his mind from being awoken by cries in the middle of the night. He had to be up in the morning to take care of the practice. He loved Ruthie and Cecilia but god, were their cries loud. Their crying also had a tendency to wake up Harry. Then the whole house was up.

Sirius laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling before making the split second decision of grabbing his wallet and keys, and heading for the door. “Where are you going?” James asked as he came out into the hallway, when he heard Sirius.

“To Remus’.”

“Now? Are you going to—“

“No, no way, I’m going there so I can get some sleep. I could barely keep my eyes open yesterday. I’m complete shite at helping people if I don’t sleep.”

“Right…”

“I’m not shagging him!” Sirius said before leaving James in the hallway. He needed sleep, hopefully he could make to Remus’ okay without crashing due to his exhaustion.

***

Thankfully, he made it just fine. Remus opened his door, looking half asleep and a bit harassed but he still opened his door and that’s what mattered. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t take the crying anymore.”

Remus yawned then stepped aside, “I knew you’d cash in the offer. Go on upstairs, I’ll make some herbal tea.” He pointed to the stairs behind him. This was the first time that Sirius had gone into the house entrance, and not the pub one. It was around the back of the building and the hall led to either the kitchens or the stairs up to Remus’ flat. Sirius had never even been up to Remus and Teddy’s flat. It was cozy and warm, with the telly the main feature of the living room. The kitchen was off to the side with the dining room off of there. There was a hallway that led to Remus and Teddy’s rooms, he assumed.

“Do you want anything in your tea?”

“If it’s herbal, just a little milk.” Sirius replied, as he went into the kitchen with Remus.

“You can go relax on the sofa, if you want.” Remus said.

“No, I’ll help you or whatever.”

“I’m just heating the kettle, then I’m going to get you blankets and pillows so you can sleep on the sofa. I’d offer you Teddy’s bed but who knows how clean his room and bed is.” He made a face as he filled the kettle with water. “You can sleep with the telly on too, if you need. I’m not sure if you’re like that or not.”

“No, I like it pitch black and silent.”

“I like the telly and a fan on.” Remus said as he set the kettle down and turned the hob on.

“We can never sleep together then.” Sirius said absentmindedly.

“I can go without the telly when someone else is in my bed. But the fan is nonnegotiable.” Remus plonked down to mugs before pulling out the tea tin.

Sirius felt himself blush at the thought of sharing a bed with Remus.

“I’ll go get the blankets.”

Sirius nodded and watched the man leave the room. He let out a long breath, happy that Remus didn’t notice or care that Sirius blushed at the comment about them sleeping together. He couldn’t do this, not with Remus. Remus was someone who had been through a lot of things, just like Sirius. They had that certain camaraderie that people who had been through traumatic times had. Plus, two people with so much baggage couldn’t possibly make things work, right? That just didn’t seem possible. It was something that only happened in some horrible movies.

Remus returned just as the kettle whistled, and Sirius finally registered the man’s tee shirt. In his grogginess and low light, it had escaped his notice before. “Sex Pistols?” Sirius pointed to the man’s shirt, as he took the kettle off the hob to pour the water into both mugs. It looked like it had been worn about a million times.

“I was a bit of punk back in the day.”

“Me too. James used to make fun of me. I used to dye my hair and I had my lip pierced but I had to get professional. I’m still punk at heart.”

“Where it truly matters.” Remus yawned then handed Sirius his mug. “I’m going to get back to sleep, but if you need anything don’t hesitate to wake me up.”

“I didn’t a little while ago, so I doubt I will again.”

Remus smiled at him and hovered for a moment, as if he was about to kiss him. But he just gave a slight nod and went towards his bedroom with his tea. Instead of dwelling on any of their interaction, Sirius decided it was best to just go to sleep before he couldn’t actually get any.

***

When Sirius woke up the next morning, he could hear Remus down the hall, puttering about his bedroom. Instead of getting off the sofa, he laid there, relaxing. He had to get up and go home so he could change in order to go to work looking somewhat like a doctor. But he was so damn comfortable, even though he was sleeping on the sofa. Something about being around Remus and in his flat, just comforted him.

After a moment Sirius finally stood up and stretched with a loud yawn. He needed to get ready for the day, even though sleeping on the sofa all morning would be nice. Remus came out of his room, fully dressed and ready for the day, just as Sirius was folding up the blanket. “I hope I didn’t wake you, I get up fairly early for a pub owner.”

“No,” Sirius laughed. “Thanks for letting me in and not chinning me when I came pounding on the door.”

“I told you, you were welcome to come over if you needed to.”

“I doubt that you meant in the middle of the night.” Sirius shrugged.

“I really meant whenever.” He paused. “Oh, Teddy wants me to ask you if you’d like to come to his grandparents’ house when I go pick him up? I always stay the night when I go out there because it’s a bit of a trek. You can say no but I’ll feel better to ask you and you can say no so I don’t have to lie to say I asked and you said no.”

“When would that be?” Sirius furrowed his brow in thought. He couldn’t remember when Remus said Teddy would be back.

“In about a week and a half? It’s next Saturday into Sunday.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not going to. Andi and Ted are great. They own a huge place out there, they’re ridiculously rich. They’re also really welcoming.”

“I’m talking about you seeing Teddy again.”

“As if he wouldn’t be happy to see you over me?” Remus laughed. “You don’t have to tell me yet, just let me know before next week so I can tell him either way. Or I can just tell him no now and he’d be surprised.” Remus said with a thoughtful look. “Yeah, I’ll do that, it’ll be funny.”

“Sounds good.” He said, glancing at clock over the telly. “So, um, I’m going to get going. But I’ll see you around later?”

“You’re welcome to the sofa at anytime, cuz.” Remus said as Sirius gathered his things up. “Especially when Ted isn’t around. It’s nice having someone else in the flat.”

Sirius smiled at him. “I’ll be back tonight, probably.”

“That’s fine.”

***

After getting out of work, Sirius headed back to the Potter household to find it blissfully silent. Both Lily and James were slumped on the sofa, looking as if they were ready to fall asleep at a moment’s notice. They had been actually catching some shut eye when Sirius had come in, in the morning but they were busy feeding three children when he had made he way back out for work.

“So, where exactly were you last night?” Lily asked after letting out a long yawn.

“I slept on Remus’ sofa.” He picked his words carefully because if he had said he had been at Remus’ they would have jumped to conclusions.

“Remus’ huh?” James waggled his eyebrows.

“We did nothing. I slept. It was the best nights sleep I’ve had in days. I think I’ll go do it again.” Sirius said. “But this time I’ll bring a change of clothes so I don’t have to wake up any earlier than I have to.”

“It was really innocent?”

“It was so innocent I could have done the same thing if Teddy and all of your sprogs were there. He’s a good bloke and a friend. Stop trying to make it seem like it’s anything more than it is.” Sirius snapped at his friends. “I’m going to get my stuff and go over there tonight. If you say anything, I’m heading home to the London and you’re going to be a zombie running your practice.”

“Fine, no more. Go get some good nights rest. God knows I’d like some.” Lily closed her eyes.

***

“I’m glad you really don’t mind me here.” It was the third night that Sirius had gone over to Remus’ to sleep on his sofa. This time they had dinner before Sirius went to sleep.

“You’re clean and quiet, better than my own son in those respects.” Remus laughed before taking a bite of the cake he had made earlier that day. “Not that I don’t miss him.” Remus corrected with a solemn face.

“I don’t think you’re a bad dad.” Sirius said quickly. He realized that Remus tended to apologize a lot for anything he said about Teddy.

“Well, sometimes I don’t feel that way.” Remus rubbed his eyes and sighed. “When I tried to kill myself, I wasn’t thinking about him at all. How horrible is that?”

“You’re not going to make whatever you think you did to him magically fixed by apologizing constantly.”

“I know and I’ve had professionals tell me things along those lines.” Remus looked down at his plate with a frown. “You telling people that things are fine doesn’t make it that way either, eh? You say that all the time.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s some type of default like it is for me.” Remus rested his chin on his hand.

Sirius nodded and licked the chocolate frosting off of his fork. He had been telling himself it was fine and he was fine for years and years. It was a hard habit for him to break. He had never actually thought about it either. It was just something he said.

“I know you don’t like talking about this stuff.”

“It’s fine.” He laughed after he realized what he said. “I don’t mind talking about it with you.” Sirius looked at Remus in the eye. “My parents liked to hit me whenever I did something wrong. Like, I don’t know, sigh at the wrong time.” He bit his lip. “When I would have bruises or a fat lip and people would see, like Jamie, I’d just say I was fine and make up a bullshite story.”

“I can understand why you’d say it, I wouldn’t want to talk about my parents beating me either.” Remus said, sitting up straight again.

“So, I’m not fine and you’re not sorry.” Sirius reasoned, putting his fork on top of his plate.

“Sounds about right.” Remus smiled. “Now, if we could both just believe that…”

“Mmm, that would be wonderful.”

“I think we might believe it all one day. I mean, I believe it more now than I did a couple years ago. I think I’ll believe it more in a few more years.”

“I’m sure I know what you mean but it feels like I’ve felt the same way for a long time.” Sirius said.

“It’s because you put yourself in a bubble. You’ve got to let go, have some fun, be you.”

“You should be a motivational speaker.” Sirius snickered before leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know how to let go, though.”

“What do you like, outside of work?”

Sirius’ went blank for a moment. Then all he could think of about were the beach with Remus and Teddy or going to the gorge or the dell or the Teddy’s rugby match… “I guess being here is nice. I like going to the places you and Teddy have shown me.”

“Well, you know you’re welcome to come along wherever we go.” Remus pushed his plate aside. “I like having you round too.”

“Not just to fill the flat with another human with Teddy’s out of town?”

“No, I feel like we understand each other and our equally shite circumstances. Most people don’t get it, right? And if they do, they don’t talk about it.”

“Right, like normal people.” Sirius said with a slight smile.

“And they should. We’re doing just fine when we try to chat about it.”

“Maybe people do talk about it with people who are — who get them.”

“We get each other?” The left side of Remus’ lips quirked up.

“On some level.”

Remus looked like he was searching Sirius’ face for something for a moment. “Yeah, we do.” He stood up. “Okay, lets clean up and maybe watch some telly. Enough with the deep talk for today.”

Sirius smiled, “By the way.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll come out with you to pick up Teddy.”

“Chur, he’ll lose his mind.” Remus grinned. “He was bummed out when I told him you weren’t going to come.”

Sirius laughed. He couldn’t wrap his mind around how he was close to Remus and Teddy in a months time. He was going to surprise Teddy at his grandparents’ house. Outside of James and Lily, and probably Peter back in the day, he didn’t have any real friends. Sirius really liked it, though.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius climbed into the passenger seat of Remus’ Rover as the man squared away their luggage in the boot. They were off to the wop wops, about 4 hours out. Maybe more, depending on how the roads were. Sirius didn’t really like the sound of that but he did enjoy his adventures with Remus and there was no rain in the forecast.

“They live deep in the bush. It’s like this little valley, completely surrounded by nothing.” The other man explained as they made their way out of Hokitika. “You’re going to love it, it’s beautiful. I’ll show you the stars tonight, if you’re interested.”

“Yeah, that sounds brilliant.” Sirius said. He had did some research on the general area and there was nothing. Mainly because Remus couldn’t really give him a town they were near. He couldn’t believe that there were places that couldn’t be mapped out.

“I wouldn’t mind moving back out to the wops but I would miss the pub and I don’t think Teddy would be too happy about it.”

“Did you like growing up out there?”

“Yeah, nah, I didn’t mind it. I mean there was nothing to do out there, really. Obviously because I got Nym pregnant when we were 16.” He shrugged. “I think I’d appreciate it more now, though.”

“I don’t know if I could live in the middle of nowhere.” Sirius explained as he pulled his hair back. “A weekend out there is fine but I can’t imagine being so secluded. I need to see other people than sheep.”

“You find a lot of daft things to do out there.”

“I found plenty of daft things to do in the city. I’m pretty sure I can fuck up anywhere I am.” He leaned his head against the window.

“That’s real talent.”

“I try.” Sirius chuckled and closed his eyes.

“Are you already going to nap?” Remus reached over and poked Sirius’ thigh.

“Yes, wake me up before we get there, I don’t want to be groggy.”

“Twat.” Remus muttered. “I’m sure you’ll wake up when we get to a certain point, anyway.”

Sirius just yawned and settled in for a nice little kip.

***

Sirius jolted awake when he felt the Rover bump over something in the road. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. They were now traveling down adirt road, surrounded by lush greenery everywhere. It looked like they were going into the mountains. “Hello, sleeping beauty.” Remus grinned.

“My dark hair and light skin, I’m sure I look just like her.”

“No, you’re more beautiful than she is.” Remus bit his lip.

Sirius felt himself flush under Remus’ praise.

Remus moved right along, “It’s not much longer, now. Maybe an hour.”

“I was out that long?”

Remus just nodded. “I can’t wait to see Teddy.”

“Me too but, I doubt as much as you as he’s your kid and all.”

“I’m sure.” Remus said with a little frown.

Sirius sat up straight. “How long did you not have Teddy?” He asked out of curiosity.

“Well, er, I tried to kill myself when he was four. He went out there before I actually tried… ah, I got him back when he was six.” He explained, shifting a bit in his seat.

“Were his grandparents trying to keep him? That seems like a long time?”

“No, it was voluntary on my part. When I was ready to take him back, they didn’t hesitate. They’re great.”

“How come they live out here?”

“Tradition.” Remus shrugged. “At least on Ted’s part. Andi’s from Wellington but she’s embraced the wop wops. They met at uni and moved out here. They didn’t live where they live now for a long time. It wasn’t until fairly recently they finished woking on it.”

“It’s a farm, right?”

“Well, it’s a new house on the farm. The old house was taken down. Technically it’s the same property Ted’s family has lived on for years, but it’s a new house.”

“I can’t wait to see it.”

“It’s nice, which is an understatement.” Remus said as he looked at the time.

“How posh are they?”

“They’re not stiff and uptight, you’d have no idea they were rich if it wasn’t for the fact that their house is a masterpiece.”

Sirius had some reservations but it wasn’t as if he could get out of it now, they were in the middle of nowhere. He hated that he automatically judged anyone who was posh but it was just how he grew up. Then again, if Remus said they weren’t he had no reason to doubt him. He didn’t exactly seem like the man to lie about something like that.

***

Sirius held on to his seat as they made their way, completely off the road. But he could see a house up ahead. It almost blended into the green hills. The house nearly all glass but it was supported by dark wood. Clearly, anyone who could build something so beautiful and so secluded had money. “Bloody hell, this is…”

“I know.” Remus smiled.

“I lied, maybe I could live out here.” Sirius looked around at the lush scenery.

Up ahead, in front of the house, he could see what looked like a horse with someone on top of it.

“Behind the house is where the farm is, but sometimes the animals like to walk around.” Remus squinted a little as they got closer. “But that one has my son on it.”

Sirius rolled his window down as they approached the horse. Teddy’s eyes went wide when he realized that Sirius was in the passenger seat. Sirius worried the teen was about to fall of the horse. Luckily, he stayed on fine. “SIRIUS! PAPA, YOU SAID HE WASN’T COMING!” Teddy yelled as he clambered off of the horse as Remus came to a stop within walking distance of the house. “I knew you were lying.”

“I didn’t think that he was coming, honestly. It was sort of a last minute decision.” Remus said as he got out of the Rover.

“He’s not lying, Teddy. I didn’t want to intrude.” Sirius shrugged, looking at the horse after he hoped out of the car.

“This isn’t intruding! This is awesome! I need to show you everything!” Teddy gestured wildly with his hands.

“I’d like to stop in to your grandparents first to introduce Sirius. You know, to be polite and all that. Not that I’m sure I taught you manners.” Remus said before hugging his son, tight, and planting a kiss on the top of his head. “Ngaro ahau a koutou.”

“I was only gone two weeks. It’s not like I was gone for months!” Teddy threw his arms up after Remus let him go. He had no idea why Remus would miss him so much, he probably didn’t remember not living with his dad. “Come on, you’re going to love Grandma and Koroua. I’ve told them all about you.”

“You told them all about me?” Sirius asked as Teddy grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the house.

“Of course I did, I tell them all the important news.”

“Why am I important news?”

“Cuz, you ask too many questions, eh?” Teddy said as they got to the front door.

“No, I don’t. I just don’t understand why I’m so important.”

“It’s better to leave it and let him be a mystery.” Remus said behind them.

Sirius was led through the entry way, which was warm and inviting. Even though the house was obviously expensive, it felt like the complete opposite from what he had grown up in. The Black estate was massive and looming, while this was light and comforting. Yes, the wood accents were dark but there was so much light from the windows.

“This must be Sirius Black.” A tall woman with grey hair tied up in a tight bun on top of her head grinned from where she sat at the countertop.

“Ah, yes, hi Mrs Tonks.”

“Call me, Andi, dear. He’s a handsome one, Remus.” Andi winked at Remus.

“No, we’re not dating, Andi.” Remus shook his head.

“That’s not what Teddy said.” She look surprised.

“And what exactly did Teddy say?” Remus narrowed his eyes on his son, who suddenly found a random corner of the ceiling rather interesting.

“That you two always together.”

“I think Teddy misrepresented some information.” Sirius gave the teen a look. “I’m just a friend. They’ve been showing me round since I got here. They’re great tour guides.”

Andi looked as if she didn’t believe it but let it pass, “Would you like a cuppa? You can go see Ted after. He’s out feeding the animals, which I thought this one was helping with.” Her eyes narrowed on Teddy.

“I just get in the way, plus he has others helping him! You pay people for that.” Teddy said defensively.

Andi just laughed and shook her head. “I’m sure that you do get in the way. Now help me out and get those good biscuits out that I made this morning. And Sirius and Remus, take a seat.”

Remus listened, sitting next to Sirius.

Eventually, Ted came in to join them for tea and he was so laid back that Sirius was a bit jealous of him. The Tonks were just as Remus said they were. There wasn’t an ounce of his former life there. Apparently all rich people weren’t completely horrible. Sirius almost wanted to be adopted by them, just so he could live out there and doing nothing but look at the beautiful scenery for the rest of his life.

***

Teddy didn’t want to join them for their stargazing. Sirius swore he heard the teen mutter something about having a nice date before they left the house. He chose to not pay it any mind because he was really looking forward to the night. He had only ever seen the night with light pollution. Out here, there was zero. Remus was even taking them further away from the house so there would be absolutely nothing around them.

“If I didn’t trust you, I’d think you were taking me out here to kill me.”

“If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have brought you to my in-laws first and have my son see you.”

“Maybe you were being kind to Teddy, one last time of seeing me.”

“Too risky.” Remus laughed as he stopped at the bottom of a hill. “We’re going to go up to the top of this. It’s a short walk.”

“At least it will be a beautiful place for you to murder me.”

Remus rolled his eyes before getting out of the car and grabbing a bag from the back of the Rover with a torch in it. They made their way up the hill. The entire time, Sirius kept his eyes on his shoes because he wanted to wait until his was settled in to fully appreciate the beauty of the stars. They found a good spot to sit and Remus unfurled the blanket he had brought along and they shut their torches off. “Don’t look up. Close your eyes and lay back first.” Sirius did as asked.

“Okay, can I look now?” Sirius asked eagerly.

“Yeah.” Remus laughed.

Sirius opened his eyes and he felt his breath leave his chest. For a moment he wasn’t sure if he could breath because of how amazing the sight was. The stars shone so bright that it didn’t seem like it was night time out. The sky looked like it was filled with twinkling jewels. It was so overwhelming, he felt a bit dizzy. But it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. “How do you keep amazing me?”

“I’m not doing it, the planet is. I’m just showing you what’s out there.” Remus said. “I also know all the good spots, so I’m at an advantage.”

“That’s the Milky Way, isn’t it?” Sirius pointed up to what looked like a rift in the sky.

“Yes.”

“I can’t even begin to describe this. You can see the actually bloody milky way!”

“You don’t have to.” Remus assured him. “You’re looking at it, just burn it into your brain. Or, if you start to forget, come out here again.”

“You’ll have to show me the way.”

“Anytime you want.”

They were silent for a long time, just taking in the sight of the sky. Sirius turned his head to say something to Remus but was taken aback when he realized how close they were. All he needed to do was lean forward a fraction to press their lips together. He couldn’t do it. But he really wanted to in that moment.

“If I want to kiss you, would it ruin our friendship because I don’t want it to?” Remus’ voice startled him. The other man had the same feeling, it seemed.

“Are you reading my mind? I was just thinking that.” Sirius took a deep breath.

“It’s hard not to chat you up because you’re so bloody gorgeous. I’m pretty sure I’m always flirting with you, I don’t know how you don’t tell me to stuff it half the time.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not so bad yourself and I think that I flirt right back.” Sirius chuckled.

“I can’t be in a relationship with you, though. I just can’t and it has nothing to do with you. You’re wonderful but I can’t be with anyone right now.”

“Well, there are friends with benefits.” Sirius licked his lips. He hadn’t had any physical contact in what seemed like forever and having some with Remus seemed absolutely perfect.

“And we can still be mates.”

“I don’t want to lose you as a mate but I really want to shag you.” Remus laughed loudly but Sirius leaned forward and found Remus’ lips to cut off his laugh. It was a tentative kiss but Remus shifted to get a better angle and put his hand on the back of Sirius’ head to bring him closer. Yes, this was definitely what Sirius wanted.

***

Sirius was down in the kitchen of the Tonks’ getting some water around four in the morning. The whole house was asleep. He was just standing looking out one of the large picture windows, thinking about the time that he had with Remus not many hours ago. Sirius was feeling a but achey, but in a very good way.

Sirius jumped when he heard a set of feet padding their way into the kitchen. “Oh, Sirius, sorry to give you a fright,” Andi said. She was wrapped up in a flannel robe and her long hair was done in a loose braid.

“It’s okay. I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m lurking about your house in the middle of the night. I was just thirsty and got caught up in the view.”

She smiled, “Well, I don’t blame you. We’re lucky to live out here.”

“Very. When I first heard ‘wops’, I assumed they would be more dodgy.”

Andi chuckled as she opened the refrigerator, “It is rather the opposite, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Though, I guess if you got lost in the bush alone it might get dodgy.” Andi quietly as she went about to pour herself a glass of juice. Sirius went back to looking out the window trying not to think of Remus’ hands on his body and his lips on his neck.

“You know, if you fancy him, you should just come out with it. It’s obvious that you’re both mad for each other.” Andi said after she came to stand next to him. “If it’s any solace, Nym would have liked you and thought you a fine replacement.”

Sirius gaped openly at the older woman. The last thing he wanted to do was replace Nym. “I’m not with Remus. I already—”

“I know that you keep saying it but you would have to be completely daft to not know how you both feel for one another. It also helps that Teddy thinks you are the greatest thing since video games and rugby.” She smiled. “I just think you should know that you shouldn’t be afraid to be with him.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Sirius. I just wanted to let you know.” She reached out and patted his shoulder. “Ted and I like you too, so if you stick around we look forward to having you out here every so often.”

Sirius just stayed quiet because after his day, he wasn’t really sure how to react. Remus and he had a wonderful night together but it didn’t mean anything. They both said that it didn’t mean anything. But deep down, Sirius knew that it was a lie. Andi was right. But their lives were both filled with pain and regret, that going into a relationship together would just be far too much for them.


	6. Chapter 6

A month or so later, Sirius was spending most of his time with Remus. If he was being honest with himself, they were dating. But he didn’t want to get that honest because that was just too much to deal with, so he pretended it wasn’t a big deal. Remus seemed perfectly fine going along with pretending that they were just mates, who happened to have sex nearly every other day and spent far too much time together.

Yeah, sure, there are probably people who can shag and remain just friends, but they weren’t those people, it seemed. When they were alone Remus looked him like no one else had ever looked at him before. It was like he cared more for him than he did for himself. Sirius knew he probably looked at Remus the same way. It was going to be a messy break when it happened because that was just inevitable but Sirius did his best not to think about it.

Sirius checked his phone with a sigh, “I should go.” It was getting late and he said he’d be back at the Potters to watch a movie. They thought that he was exploring the area around Lake Kaniere. It wasn’t a totally lie, they had been there earlier with Teddy but that was hours ago. Sirius did not really want to talk to James and Lily about how they were right about how he and Remus were meant to be together.

“Why?” Remus rolled over with a groan. “Teddy’s not due home until tomorrow afternoon. That’s a lot of free time.” They had been hooking up in the practice when everyone had gone for the day. Or in Remus’ flat at random times of the day. Sirius felt like they were having some secret affair, which did make things a little exciting. Not that he needed anything exciting to be with Remus. He’d probably be happy if they were completely boring and just sitting around watching telling all the time.

“I told James I’d be back tonight. We’re going to spending some quality mate time together.” Sirius frowned. He really didn’t want to go back to the Potter’s when he was perfectly comfortable in Remus’ bed but he had slept on the Lupin’s sofa for a week straight now. He wanted to sleep in Remus’ bed every night but they weren’t about to screw with Teddy’s head. Tonight would have been a perfect night to just stay because they were alone and fully cashing in on the benefit part of their friendship.

“Just stay, I hate an empty flat.” Remus pouted before moving his hand to Sirius’ chest. “Sorry, I’m definitely forcing you to stay, aren’t I?” His fingers drifted lightly down Sirius’ sternum.

“I’d much rather stay here. I don’t get blowjobs from James.”

“Yeah, Lils might get upset by that, eh?”

Sirius chuckled as Remus pressed a few kisses to his collarbone. Sirius’ phone vibrated on the sidetable. James was probably calling now, wondering where he was. He’d have to at least text him back soon so James didn’t think that they disappeared in the bush. His mate was so overprotective, that he would probably have a search party out there in a minute.

“Your freckles look like the solar system.” Remus’ lips found his skin a few more times.

“Mmm, you’re making it very hard for me to get out of this bed.” Sirius let out a long sigh as Remus moved between his legs. “Completely impossible now that you’re on top of me.”

“Oh, what a pity.” He whispered as he made his way down Sirius’ torso with his lips. “Would you like me to stop? I don’t think you want me to stop but I will if you say so.”

“I don’t.” Sirius groaned as Remus’ hand ran up his thigh, lightly scratching his fingers nails long the way. “You are a bad man.”

“I know.” Remus sucked a spot of skin right below Sirius’ belly button. “You’re just as bad though.”

Sirius moaned as Remus wrapped his hand around the base of his cock. Yeah, he wasn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.

He ended up getting to the Potter’s an hour or so later. James commented on how cleaned Sirius was for going on an all day hike in the bush. But they didn’t make any comment on how much time he was spending with Remus. They had given that up not very long ago. Sirius was sure he convinced them that he was just friends with Remus.

***

Teddy tossed a stone into the lake. Sirius took him out to one of Teddy’s favorite spots, Lake Mahinapua because Remus wasn’t feeling up to their usual Saturday adventure. He had assumed the man was just feeling ill. Sirius missed Remus but he was enjoying the tranquility of the lake. He and Teddy has paused to have a snack that Teddy had procured from the pub. Teddy had chowed it down in no time so he was occupying himself skipping stones as Sirius finished up.

“Papa’s depressed. Mum died today. Obviously not today, but like, years ago.” He explained quietly. He could tell all day that something was on his mind but he wasn’t really expecting that. Sirius frowned because Remus hadn’t told him Nymphadora had died on this day. “He doesn’t like getting out of bed. I mean, he probably would have come but I told him to stay home and I’d show you round.”

“He doesn’t need to come out with us. I think we’re good on our own. I just hope you don’t get us lost out here.” Sirius snickered, trying not to dwell on the fact that Remus was depressed and alone back at his flat.

“I’m a better guide than Papa.” Teddy smiled as he looked to the ground, probably for another good stone to skip. “I think Mum would have been a good guide too.”

“Do you remember your mom? Your papa never talks about her to me, so I have no idea.”

“No, I only know her from pictures and what everyone tells me about her. I apparently have her personality. Papa talks about her with me all the time.”

“You look a lot like your Papa but you’re your personalities aren’t all that similar.”

Teddy nodded, “Is it weird I don’t get sad about her or my dad’s parents? He gets sad about them.”

“You didn’t know them. Plus, not everyone remembers or grieves people the same way. It’s nothing to worry about.” Sirius assured him.

“I worry about Papa, he’s never dated anyone but he’s so lonely.” Teddy chewed at his lips. “I want him to be happy.”

“You’re almost 14, how do you know he’s lonely and needs to date someone? He could be perfectly happy as he is now.” Sirius was pretty sure that Remus as perfectly happy with his romantic life right now. Not that he was going to say that to the teen.

“Because I know him. I also know that he fancies you and you fancy him. I’m not daft. You flirt with each other more than anyone does at school with their crush. It’s pretty gross.” He shook his head and made a funny face. “I think you should just make it official and date and get married and adopt a few babies. I wouldn’t mind a sibling or two.”

Sirius felt himself blush. “We’re just mates, Teddy.”

“But you don’t have to be just mates!” He yelled, throwing his hands out.

“Teddy, I’m not going to be here forever. You know that, right?” Sirius asked, crossing his arms.

“Where are you going to be?”

Sirius wasn’t sure what to say because it had been almost five months, and Sirius had yet to make a decision about his future. He loved New Zealand but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue life as a GP. He missed working in the hospital and how fast-paced it was. But at the same time he loved how laid back his new life was. He loved being around the Potters. He loved how he fit in to Teddy and Remus’ life. If he could just accept it all, he would have everything that he truly wanted. But something was holding him back from doing that. “I’m not sure.”

“You could be here.” Teddy gestured around him. “What would you do back in London?”

“I don’t have to go back to London. I could go to the States, my brother lives out there.” Sirius said. He wasn’t exactly close to Reggie but he had been on his mind. They had a falling out when they were younger because his brother seemed to side with his homophobic parents. When Regulus got older, he found out that wasn’t true because he was seeing another bloke. But they still weren’t exactly as brotherly as Sirius wished they were. “I could go anywhere.”

“But do you want to?” Teddy asked with some concern.

“I don’t know.”

“You make Papa happy. You have your mates here. I think you’re awesome. There’s heaps of stuff that can make you happy here, so you should just stay.”

“Teddy, let’s stop talking about this.” Sirius rubbed his forehead. “Show me the good spots.”

“Fine, but you know I’m right about everything.”

Sirius bit his lip, he didn’t want to let the teen know that he was probably spot.

***

Sirius dropped Teddy off at a mate’s before going over to the Lupin’s. The teen said that he wanted to give his Papa some space. But then he heavily hinted that Sirius should go back to the flat. He was planning on going anyway.

Sirius let himself into the flat, dropping his keys in the bowl by the door as he kicked his shoes off. It was like he was home, even if he had just been kipping on the sofa. The Lupin’s house was just more welcoming than any home Sirius ever lived in before. He made his way into the bedroom, where his found Remus fiddling with his phone under his duvet. “What are you doing here?” The man raised his eyebrow.

“Checking on you. I heard you were feeling down.”

“Marlene thinks I’m going to kill myself again?” He tossed the phone aside before burrowing a little deeper into his duvet.

“No,” Sirius crawled into bed next to him. “Teddy said you were sad and I just wanted to try my best to make you not sad. Though I know that it’s not always possible. ” He ran his fingers through the other man’s curls. “I’ll leave if you want but I’m just being a good mate.”

Remus closed his eyes and hugged the pillow under his head. “You can stay.”

Sirius put his hand on Remus’ back and rubbed his hand in a circle, almost like he would do to soothe Ruthie or Cecilia. “Do you want anything?”

“No, I just want to wallow in my depression for now. Maybe a cuppa later but I’m okay for now.”

“Okay.” Sirius moved a little closer to Remus so they were sharing the same pillow. “I never let anyone close to me when I’m feeling like this. I always pushed James away back then. It’s part of the reason I let him go all the way out here without throwing a fit. If I was feeling this down right now, I’d probably shout at you and tell you to fuck off.”

“I wouldn’t, though. I’d ignore you and do this. I might even find a way to be obnoxious about it and you’d probably end up laughing out of frustration.”

Sirius nodded and closed his eyes. “I don’t doubt that one bit.”

“I wish I had people who ignored my pushing away a few years back. I guess Marlene did. She was the one that found me when I tried to kill myself. I was having a pretty shite time and she just had this feeling she needed to check in on me during a time she never would have. She found me in the bathtub with my wrist slit and saved my life. Life saving is one of her many skills, I guess.”

“Thank god.” Sirius whispered. He felt a bit sick when he thought about Remus in that state. A world without Remus or Teddy was one that he really didn’t want to think about. He was so grateful that he had found them. Or really, that they were sort of pushed upon him. “I’d hate it here if you weren’t around.”

“I doubt that.”

“I’d be just sitting at the Potters, watching telly and not even exploring what is out there. You’ve opened this world up to me. I love it here.” Sirius continued to speak softly.

“Are you going to stay in New Zealand?” Remus asked as if he was being cautious about it.

“I — I don’t know.” Sirius licked his lips. “I don’t know what I want — still.”

“Well, maybe you’ll figure it out soon.”

“I hope I do.” Sirius kissed Remus’ cheek. “But for now, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere for a while, if that’s okay with you.”

“That’s fine.” Remus moved so he could wrap his arms around Sirius. “Thank you for being here.”

“Whenever you need me, I’ll be here. Even if I move away, just call.” Sirius squeezed his hand.

“That’d be a pretty long flight just to check up on me.”

Sirius shrugged, “It’s worth it if you need it.”

“I want to have a kip.” Remus said, burying his face into Sirius’ shoulder.

“A kip it is.” Sirius tried to fall asleep but couldn’t. He was trying to figure out what he was going to do with his life. Sadly, no answers magically came to him as he laid there in Remus’ arms.

***

Almost a month later life was pleasant and Sirius still had no idea what he wanted. Sirius’ phone rang with a London number popping up. He furrowed his brow. There was no one back in London that he didn’t have stored in his phone that would be calling him, “Hello?”

“Hi, Mr Black, this is Minerva McGonagall calling from St. Mungo’s. I have a position that I think you may be interested in. You come highly recommended by Dumbledore.”

Sirius listened as she explained that she was looking for a head trauma surgeon the hospital. It looked like he was going to have to make his decisions sooner rather than later.


	7. Chapter 7

A week after Sirius received the call from the hospital in London, he still couldn’t decide what to do. Life was fine in New Zealand but was it fine enough for him to stay? He had one more week to get back to McGonagall. One week to make up his mind. Luckily, the surgeon that was leaving, had given plenty of notice for St Mungo’s to find a replacement, so it gave Sirius some time. He had yet to tell anyone that he had the offer. James and Lily seemed to be in a nice routine, so it wouldn’t be as if he was abandoning them. He needed to start telling people soon.

“Are you all right, mate?” James asked as they all sat down for dinner on Friday night. He had been trying to make more time for the Potters and less time for Remus because he couldn’t bear being any more attached than he was. Not that it would all be solved by spending some nights away from the Lupin pub and home. He was in far too deep with them.

“Ah, yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I got a job offer.”

Lily frowned, and James’ eyebrows went up, “Where?”

“Back in London, as the head trauma surgeon at St Mungo's. It’s huge.”

“That’s brilliant,” James pushed his plate aside. He didn’t sound very excited about the whole thing, though. Not that Sirius could blame them. They were back to having each other in their lives full time. If he left, then they'd just be voices on the phone. “You’re going?”

“I’m not really sure.” Sirius shrugged then scratched his nose. “Do you want me to go?”

“It’s up to you, isn’t it? You’re an adult, and you need to make your own choices.” Lily said, resting her chin on her hand. “I don’t think we should have a say in it, right? Don’t get us wrong, we’d love you to stay and we miss you when you’re not around, but we understand. It's your life and you have to do what you think is right.”

“Right.” Sirius bit his lip. “I think I want to go. I want to be back in the operating room, I’ve missed it. But I like it here too.”

“We do have some of those operating things round here.” Lily reminded him with a scoff. “Or are you running away from something?” She questioned.

“What are you talking about?” Sirius glared at her. He knew exactly what she was suggesting, but he wanted to do his best to play it off.

“You’re getting so close to Remus and Teddy. I’m not saying that you’re dating Remus, but you’re closer to him than anyone you’ve ever met outside of us. We know how shite you are at relationships, so it would make sense you’re trying to push them away.” Lily explained.

“If I tell you something, do you swear not to freak out? I know you're going to want to, but I don't want to hear it.” Sirius pressed his lips together in a tight line.

“I don’t know because I don’t know what it is,” James said skeptically.

“Just get out with it. You want to tell us anyway. We'll do our best not to lose our minds.” Lily waved a hand.

Sirius swallowed hard, “Remus and I have been sleeping together.”

Lily and James shared ‘I knew it' looks. “Are you two more than friends?”

“No,” Sirius bit his lip. The next part of what he wanted to say was going to be even harder to say. “But I wouldn’t hate it if we weren’t.” He admitted out loud, and possibly to himself, for the first time. He would love Remus if he could just let himself do it.

“So you are thinking about running away from something,” James said with a nod. “Have you told him any of this? That you fancy him or that you're moving?”

“He doesn’t want a relationship. He said that he could never get into one. Plus, we’re both so fucked up, could it work?” Sirius rubbed his eyes. “And if it didn’t work out, it would affect Teddy. There’s just too much risk.”

“You’re practically dating as it is, Teddy probably realizes that. He’s not daft. Whatever happens now, is going to affect him anyway.”

“I just don't want to hurt anyone.”

“You don’t want to get yourself hurt.” James amended for his mate.

It felt as if someone was squeezing Sirius' heart. He knew that it was going to hurt no matter what he did. He needed just to pull the band-aid, one way other another.

***

Remus held onto Sirius’ hip tight. Sirius couldn’t catch his breath, and his head was spinning. Each time with Remus was always better than the time before. He wanted to stay there forever, and that was horrifying to him. Sirius realized he needed to either dive right in, officially, or make a clean break from Remus and this life he had inserted himself into.

Once he finally caught his breath and could complete some real thoughts, he decided that he needed to get it over with. He was done being a coward. “I got a job offer,” Sirius said as Remus’ thumb gently rubbed against his skin.

“I’m sure James is sad about that. He loves having you at the practice. I know he’s going to go back to work soon, but I bet he thought you’d stick around. Where’s the job? Is it at Mount Lumos?” Remus kissed his shoulder.

Sirius cleared his throat and shook his head. “No, it's back in London.” Remus’ thumb stopped its little circles. “I have to make up my mind in two days.”

“You’re going to say yes,” Remus put some space between them. Sirius sighed at the loss of contact.

“It's the head trauma surgeon.”

“You want it. I don’t know why you’d wait to say yes. I know you love being in the operating theater.” The other man sat up in bed as Sirius rolled over to look at him. “Why wouldn’t you say yes?”

Sirius frowned as he pushed a piece of hair out of his face. “I like it here.”

“It was always temporary, wasn’t it?” Remus said, leaning over the side of the bed to get his pants. It sounded a lot like Remus was trying to convince himself all of this. “Call them now and tell them you want that job.”

“You don’t have anything to say to me about it?”

“Why would I? It’s not as if we’re together, Sirius.” He said as he started to get dressed. “We should get going. Teddy is going to be through with practice soon.”

“So, you don’t care?”

“I’ll miss you as a mate, but it’s fine.” Remus pulled on the shirt that had been discarded earlier. “It’s your career, cuz. I’m happy for you.”

“Right.” Sirius began to get dressed as well. “Teddy’s not going to be too happy.”

Remus shrugged, “He’ll survive, he’s a teenager and knows that people don’t stay around forever. If he wants he can get in contact with you.”

That stung Sirius more than he thought it would. Remus and Teddy were used to people not staying in their lives permanently. That was why Remus never dated, he was afraid to lose someone else. But here he was, losing Sirius now. Sirius could stop it. “I’ll stay, if you want me here, I’ll stay.”

Remus pulled up his jeans and shook his head. “You need to go.”

“Okay…”

“No, I mean you need to go now. Leave, Teddy will be home any minute.” Remus said quickly.

Sirius listened, leaving as fast as he could because he clearly wasn't wanted. That night, he called St. Mungo’s and accepted the offer.

***

The following few weeks, Sirius didn’t spend much time around Remus. They stopped sleeping together. Sirius stopped going to the pub. He only went on weekend adventures with Teddy and Remus. Even those were hard to get through, but he did it for Teddy. Sirius chose not to take part in their adventure on the last weekend that he was around because he felt like he shouldn’t go. He made the exucse that he had to pack.

Teddy wasn’t thrilled when Sirius told him that he was going back to London. He seemed to try his best not to stay mad over it, but Sirius could tell that it was difficult.

On that last Saturda, Sirius was in New Zealand, he was sitting out in the back garden watching Harry run about. When he was about to admonish Harry for digging up the grass, Teddy came around the side of the house. He had a sullen look on his face. “Pick the lock on the gate?” Sirius raised an eyebrow at the teen, attempting to joke with him but it fell flat.

“So what if I did?” He muttered as he came to sit down next to Sirius on the grass.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with your papa surfing today?”

“I didn’t want to go, neither did he.”

“Why?”

Teddy glared at him, “You’re an idiot.”

“Oi, Ted, you shouldn’t talk to me like that. I don’t think your dad would be happy with it and I’m not sure I am either.”

“You are an idiot, though, and so is Papa. You both could have been so happy, but neither of you can get your heads out of your arses.” He glared straight ahead. “I thought you’d stay, and we’d be a family, but I was so freaking wrong.”

“Teddy…”

“It’s true! Now you’re both going to be miserable when you could have just stayed here and made everyone happy. I don’t understand why you don’t want to just be happy for once in your life.”

“Teddy, a relationship isn’t going to fix your dad’s depression or my past.”

“But you’re good for each other. Wouldn’t it help?” The teen folded his arms and grimaced.

“I don’t know.” Sirius shrugged.

“Then stay and try. There are hospitals here. You like it here.” Teddy pleaded.

“I can’t, Teddy. I’ve accepted the position, and I’m going to start in less than a week.” He went to touch Teddy’s shoulder, but the teen jerked away.

“You don’t want to because you don’t care about us. You just used us.”

“That’s not true, it’s quite the opposite of true actually, and you know that.” Sirius bit his lip.

“I don’t believe you. I hate you, and I’m glad you’re leaving. You don’t deserve to be with Papa, anyway.” Teddy jumped to his feet. “I knew coming here was a waste of time. I hope I don’t ever see you again.”

Sirius had never heard Teddy sound so juvenile. He wasn’t sure what to say as he watched the kid storm off just as fast as he came in. Harry made his way over with a worm pinched between his fingers.

He should have just stayed.

***

Sirius checked his bags and then said his goodbyes to the Potters, who all bundled into their car to see Sirius off to the airport. Just as he was about to head for security after watching the Potters disappear into a crowd, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

When he spun around, he found Remus standing there with red eyes and a very tired smile. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all the night before. Sirius did his best not to tackle the other man in a hug. “Sorry, I wanted to say goodbye. I’ve been a dick lately and -- you were — you are a great mate, and I can’t let you leave thinking that I hate you.”

“It’s fine.”

“I thought you were going to try to stop that because I don’t believe that it really is. You 're incredible, and I don’t want you to go.”

Sirius felt tears coming to his eyes. “That’s too late now.”

“I know, but I want you to know that I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you since you told me the news. I’m so happy for you that you got this position because it's really what you wanted. I just lashed out like a child because I hate caring about anyone who isn't Teddy.” Remus shook his head. “I’m sorry, really. I got attached when I didn’t want to.”

“It’s okay.”

“I don’t think it is, but I’m glad you don’t hate me.”

“I understand why you were acting that way. I’d be acting that way if it were the other way around.” Sirius shouldered his carryon. “I really enjoyed everything you showed me about New Zealand. And I am going to miss you and Teddy, so much. Come visit any time you want.” He said as a tear rolled down his cheek. He was mad at himself because it shouldn’t be this hard to say goodbye to someone you only knew for a few months.

“I don’t know if that will happen because it's expensive.” Remus took a deep breath. “I’ll try to keep in touch.”

“You should.” Sirius wiped his cheeks. “I should go. Security, you know.” He laughed roughly.

Remus licked his lips then leaned forward and kissed Sirius with everything that he had. Sirius hand fisted the material of Remus' sweatshirt, pulling his as close as he could. He really didn’t want to leave him. But Sirius had already made a choice. “I wanted to give you this.” Remus said after pulling away.

“A kiss?” Sirius asked, feeling his lips tingle from the contact.

“No, just some photos I took on our day trips. For you to remember your time here.” Remus handed him a plain blue photo album. “I’ll let you go now. Let me know when you get in. It’s a long trip.”

“I will. Call me when you need anything. I told you I’d be there. I wasn't joking.”

“I know.”

They stood there looking at each other, not sure what to do next. Sirius finally nodded at him one more time before heading for the security line. He stuck the photo album in his carry on and didn’t look at it until he was on the other side of security. Sirius found a somewhat comfortable spot by his gate and took the album back out.

Inside, the first photo was of him smiling like he had never smiled before at the Gorge. Then there were some pictures of he and Teddy, one of just Remus and him, a couple of just Teddy, and then a bunch of pictures of landscapes and scenery from all the places they had visited together. Sirius felt like he was going to burst into tears, but he just closed the album, stuffed it away, and stood up to get a pint.


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius yawned and opened the door to his boring, little flat. The only good thing about it was that it wasn’t too far from the hospital where he spent most of his free time. Other than that the flat was bleak and cold. There was nothing in it that really meant anything to him. Just like the rest of London felt since he returned from New Zealand four months ago. He loved his job that was all he had. It was like old times. There were no weekend adventures or sneaking off to see Remus. It was back to being empty all of the time.

Christmas was coming up fast and furious and he was facing the prospect of another holiday alone. He was invited to the Weasley’s to join Regulus and Bill for their family’s party but he wasn’t interested in it. It wasn’t where he wanted to be for the holiday. He hadn’t spoke to anyone back in Hokitika. He could barely look at the photo album that Remus had given him because it just hurt too much. James and Lily consistently reached out, as did Marlene and he got the occasional Facebook message from Dorcas. He didn’t hear from Remus or Teddy at all. Not that he reached out to them either.

Some days he wanted to just hop on a plane and go back to New Zealand but he could never be that spontaneous. Life was just fine in London. Maybe one day someone would come along and make him feel like he felt with Remus. Maybe one day he’d have a kid as brilliant as Teddy, who drove him equally mad. But it all seemed extremely doubtful.

Sirius stopped short in the little entry of the flat when he realized that his telly was on. He knew that he didn’t leave it on because he hadn’t watched it since he went to bed the night before. Then the unmistakeable Kiwi accent scolding someone made everything make sense,“Tama, stop eating Sirius’ food!”

“But Papa, I’m starving!” Teddy complained and Sirius felt completely dumbfounded.

He turned the corner into the living room/dinning room area to see Remus sitting on the sofa, looking quite at home. Teddy was stuffing his face with some crisps, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. It was as if he had walked into some alternate universe. He wondered if all the chemical imbalances he created with drugs had finally caught up with his brain.

“Hi, hiya, Sirius.” Teddy said with a full mouth.

Remus had the decency to look sorry.

“How on earth did you get in here?” Sirius held up his keys.

“I broke in.” Teddy shrugged, going to sit on the sofa. He looked very proud of himself.

“I’m sorry.”

“Christ.” Sirius muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. “What the bloody hell are you doing here? Not that I’m not happy to see you or anything.”

“I’m on holiday and it’s Christmas soon, so Grandma bought us tickets out here to see you.” Teddy explained, Remus looked down at his shoes, as if he was unsure of what to do or say.

“You could have called.” Sirius said.

“I did, multiple times. Texted too.” Remus explained. “Sent you a few messages on Facebook as well.”

Sirius bit his lip because Remus did call and sent texts but Sirius ignored them.

“Teddy wanted to come here anyway, even though you were being a bit of a dick, so yeah, here we are.” Remus shrugged. “I did try to discourage him from breaking in but…”

“Like father like son, I guess.” Sirius shook his head. “Ah, do you want to grab dinner — I can’t believe you two are here.”

“Yes, let’s get dinner!” Teddy set the crisps aside. “What’s good round here? It’s bleeding cold! Can we not walk a lot?”

Sirius laughed, looking at the teen who appeared to have gained a few inches in height since he last saw him. “There’s a good curry place down the street that isn’t a far walk.”

“You look so official in your scrubs.” Teddy pointed out. “You going to go eat like that?”

“No, I’m going to change really quick. Are you two tired from traveling?”

“No, we’re fine. We slept for like a day at our hotel.” Remus laughed. “I mean, we wanted to see you but not at the cost of exhaustion, honestly.” He smiled at Sirius, his dimples showing. “Go change, we’ll talk later.”

Sirius felt like his head was spinning. It looked like his Christmas wasn’t going to be so lonely after all.

***

Dinner went great. It was mostly Teddy chatting away as Sirius listened, nodded, and ate. Remus stayed quiet, stealing a few glances at Sirius. Sirius couldn’t believe that they had shown up in his flat. Since no one was giving him strange looks when he spoke to the two, it clearly wasn’t in his head. They were there and laughing and talking away. “You have to show us around London!” Teddy said excitedly. “I did some research and there’s some things we have to do. But you have to show us what you like, let we showed you around.”

“I will, obviously.” Sirius chucked as he took a sip of his water. “I’m sure it’s not as fun and interesting as New Zealand.”

“Okay, I’m off to the loo. Don’t get dessert without me.” Teddy stood up and went off, leaving Sirius and Remus alone.

“So,” Sirius looked at the other man, his curly hair was a bit out of control from the windy walk. “Do you hate me for ignoring you?”

“No, I’m going to assume you were in a depression bubble. That’s part of the reason I still came out here, even though you didn’t answer us.” Remus explained. “You said you’d come for me if I called so I decided to come for you even though you didn’t call because you’re like that.”

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, “I miss you so much. Teddy too but, you the most.”

“Don’t tell him that. He might disown me.” Remus let out a sharp laugh.

“It’s true though.” He clenched his fists.

“I missed you too.” Remus put his elbows on the table and leaned forward. “I wish that there was a way we could be together.”

“Are you asking me to move back to New Zealand for you?” Sirius raised an eyebrow, feeling butterflies in his stomach.

“I think I’m asking you to think about it.” Remus shrugged. “If you want to, you might want to stay at my flat, I don’t know.”

“You’re cute when you try to play coy.” Sirius smiled across the table at him. He was pretty sure that he hadn’t smiled so much since he left New Zealand.

Remus bit his bottom lip and sat back in his chair again. “You’ll think about it?”

“I have been before you even came.”

“Good. For now, let’s just enjoy my holiday then we’ll talk about it again in a few days. To give you some time.”

Sirius had a feeling that it was going to be an easy choice this time.

***

A few nights later, Sirius was sitting on the sofa with Remus. Remus’ hand was on Sirius’ calf and Sirius’ toes were nudging at the taller man’s thigh. Teddy was splayed out in the middle of the living room floor as they watched Love, Actually. It was ridiculously domestic and Sirius wanted to bottle the moment and feeling so it would last forever. “This is a shite movie. Why are we watching it? There are other perfectly fine Christmas movies.” Remus complained.

“It’s a classic, Papa!” Teddy waved a hand and looking over at the sofa. “It’s about true love. I thought you’d might enjoy it right now.”

Remus huffed a breath and ignored his son, taking his hand off of Sirius’ calf. The only issue with the fact that Teddy was always there when Remus was, was that Sirius and Remus couldn’t really have a proper conversation about what was going to happen next. There was no where that Sirius could drop Teddy off, he wasn’t a child. He was fourteen now, so technically he could go off on his own but Sirius didn’t think it’d be right for him to go alone in a city he had never been to before.

“Are you sure it’s okay that we’re here?” Remus asked softly after Teddy went back to watching the movie. “You worked for like twenty-four hours straight.”

“It’s fine. It’s the job.” Sirius yawned, sinking just a little further into the sofa. He did want to sleep but he wanted to have Remus and Teddy around. “Just don’t hate me if I fall asleep.”

“We wouldn’t.” Remus’ hand returned to his calf, giving it a little squeeze.

Sirius sunk a little deeper in to the cushions. Just as he was about to drift off when there was a sharp knock on the door. “Mmm, what the fuck?”

“I’ll get it.” Remus laughed. “Would you like me to send whoever it is away?”

“Please do.” He yawned and rubbed his eyes.

Sirius stood up and stretched, trying to wake himself up again. He was cursing who ever it was who showed up because he had been so comfortable. But now he was awake again and not comfortable.

A few seconds later, Regulus and Bill were coming into the living room with grins on their faces. “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t going to be in from the states til tomorrow.”

“We changed plans, Boston had a storm forecasted tomorrow so we got out a few days early. So, this is Remus? James told me about him. He’s very tall.” Reg smirked, pointing to Remus, who was coming back into the living room.

“James told you about him?” Sirius raised his eyebrow.

“We text sometimes.” Regulus laughed.

“Why did you let him in?”

“I wanted to meet your brother. Plus, it’s your bother.”

Sirius rolled his eyes.

Regulus said to the teen, who was looking on. “And this must be Teddy.”

Teddy sat up straight, “Yeah, this is your bother?”

Regulus laughed and Sirius glared at him. “Yes, Teddy, my annoynig little brother. This is Regulus and his boyfriend Bill. They’re studying law at Harvard so I don’t see them much.” Sirius explained.

“Oh,” Teddy nodded. “Do you know cool places round here? Everything Sirius has shown us hasn’t been that exciting. He tries but he can be sort of boring.”

Sirius snickered at the teen.

“I do.” Reg took a seat on the sofa. Bill was chatting away with Remus about something, Sirius wasn’t too worried about it because Bill was a good bloke. If it were Reg he might worry a little. Not that Regulus would be cruel, that stopped when Regulus realized he was being a twat. He would just manage to embarrass Sirius somehow.

“I have a brother about your age.” Bill said, after saying something to Remus. “How long are you round, maybe we can all get together one day? I’m sure it’d be more exciting than hanging out with just us.”

“That’d be brilliant!” Teddy said eagerly. Sirius was sure the teen was probably getting sick of being around just Sirius and his father.

“I’m sorry if he just forced that on you.” Remus gave his son a look. “He has a knack for that, especially with the Blacks, it seems.”

“He didn’t.” Regulus assured him. “It’d be fun.”

Sirius thought that it could be a good thing for Regulus to take Teddy out for a day. He really needed some time to talk with Remus alone. This could be the perfect opportunity.

“Plus, if my brother fancies you as much as you say, Teddy will eventually be my nephew. We’re going to have to get used to each other.”

Sirius glared at his brother.

“I’m already planning the wedding. It’s going to take place at the Gorge and the reception will be on the beach. I’d also like a sister so when you look into adoption…” Teddy smiled and Sirius could feel himself blush. He wasn’t even close to getting married, they weren’t even technically together yet.

Remus muttered something and put a hand over his face.

Teddy just sat there beaming.

***

The day after Near Year’s Day, Teddy went off with Regulus, Bill, and Ron for the day to explore the ‘cool’ places that Sirius apparently was too old to realize teens liked. He trusted that his brother and Bill weren’t going to get Teddy killed and assured Remus of the same thing. Sirius wanted to take the alone time to talk with Remus but he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Obviously talking ended up being snogging then shagging because Sirius had been wanting to do that since he laid eyes on Remus again.

“I think I love you.” Sirius sighed, rubbing Remus’ chest. He had never said that to anyone because but it just felt so right.

“I think that’s all the orgasm chemicals talking.” Remus laughed and wrapped an arm around Sirius’s middle.

“It’s not. I’ve been thinking about it since I left. I’ve never been in love so I’m not sure, but I’ve never felt this way so it’s a good chance that I’m in love.” Sirius looked at Remus. “You’re on my mind all of the time and I care so much about you and your son.”

The corner of Remus’ mouth gave a little quirk. “I think I love you too and I wish there was a way for us to see if it were real. I’d stay here but Teddy’s got school and I wouldn’t want to take him away from his mates. Our roots are down there.”

“I know. I was thinking, maybe, I should resign and moved back down to New Zealand. James always needs more help until I can get a position elsewhere.” Sirius brushed his lips over Remus’ shoulder.

“You’d do that?”

“Yeah. I’m so happy with you and in New Zealand with the Potters. Hell, I even miss Marlene gossiping.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Mmm, I don’t know…”

Remus rolled his eyes, “I’ve have such abandonment issues that I was sure I could never date anyone again. I thought I’d end up a lonely old man, with Teddy and his future wife or husband being worried about me. Then you came along and I couldn’t help falling for you. But your baggage scared the shite out of me, I’m not going lie.”

“Mmm, same.”

“But you not being around hurt more than I thought it would. I think that we can work out the baggage, it’s not the worst thing.” Remus held him tight. “If you want to come back I want to be yours.”

Sirius smiled and pressed his lips to Remus’. He couldn’t handle not being with Remus any longer. It was time for him to accept that he could have happiness with Remus, in New Zealand. It was scary because he had never been able to let himself have what he truly wanted, in fear that it he didn’t deserve it. That was completely daft, though, because he had never done anything to not deserve happiness, but with his childhood, that was always hard to remember.

***

Five months later, Sirius pushed his way through the crowd at baggage claim, trying to find Remus. It was a process to get back to New Zealand, one where he and Remus and Teddy were separated for the most part because Teddy had school. But he made it. It was time for him to be happy.

“You’re here.” Remus smiled softly at Sirius. He was standing on the edge of the crowd with his hands in his pockets. He wasn’t sure where Teddy had gone off to but for a moment he was happy to just see Remus.

“Of course I’m here.”

“I don’t know, thought you might change your mind.” The taller man gave a bit of a shrug.

“I’m done being afraid and I’m ready to be here and let myself be happy.” Sirius grinned. “You’re not getting rid of me, you know?”

“Good, because you belong here, it’s your place.”

“Took me long enough to find it.”

“At least you did and I’m glad that it’s with me.” Remus pulled him close, putting a hand on Sirius’ cheek, and kissing him soundly.

“Ugh, so gross.”

Sirius jumped then he pulled away from Remus to find Teddy eating a candy bar. “Oh please, your Papa told me you had your first kiss.”

Teddy went deep red.

“You have two of us now to give you shite. You sure you really want that?”

“Of course I want that. When are you getting married?”

“Not for some time now, tama. Relax.” Remus shook his head.

“Come on, I want to go home.” Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand and led him out of the airport.

“Where should we go tomorrow?” Teddy asked. “It’s Saturday, you know?”

“The beach.” Sirius answered. “Maybe you can teach me to surf.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I really enjoyed writing this one! I have a couple ideas for my next stories and I'm also thinking about a couple of sequels.


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